Getting to College Is Easy. Thriving There Is the Real Skill.

School's out, the dorm shopping list is done, and move-in day is getting closer. But there's one thing almost nobody talks to incoming freshmen about: how you're actually going to manage once you get there. 

In this episode, I sit down to break down what the first semester of college really looks like, including four phases nearly every freshman moves through: the Honeymoon Phase, the Dip, the Defining Window, and the road to feeling grounded again. Leslie Rose and I share our own stories, including a college dropout story that might surprise you, and get into the real, practical stuff that makes the difference: making friends when you don't know a single person, why sleep might be the most underrated academic strategy out there, how to build a routine that actually sticks, and how to ask for help before things reach crisis level. 

Whether you're a soon-to-be freshman feeling excited, terrified, or some very specific mix of both, or a parent wondering how to support without hovering, this episode gives you a roadmap for what's ahead. 

Check out Leslie Rose Coaching:

• Website: leslierosecoaching.com
• Instagram: instagram.com/leslierosecoaching
• Facebook: facebook.com/leslierosecoaching

The Resilient Launch is a high-touch coaching program that helps incoming freshmen become more confident, capable, and independent without their parents having to constantly remind, rescue, or step in.

Spots are limited for this first round. Join the priority list through the link in the show notes. 

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Email me:  ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me:  785-380-2064
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Transcript

Right? It's the middle of summer. School is out. Maybe you're taking a family vacation, and for some of you, this summer is pretty different, because you've graduated high school, and you're hanging out with friends for one final summer of fun. Because pretty soon, you're headed off to your next big thing, college. Now, hopefully, you've selected your dorm room and your roommates, and you're getting registered for classes. All of that's really important, and it's fun in a lot of ways. And maybe you've started a Pinterest board of what your dorm room is going to look like. Those are all typical rites of passage, and very cool. But there's something that nobody is really talking to you about before move-in day How are you going to manage once you're on campus? Getting to college is one thing. Thriving there is a completely different skillset, and most freshmen figure it out the hard way in real time while they're also trying to keep up with huge 300-person lecture halls, new schedules, and an unfamiliar campus. What my guest and I have learned through our work and our own life experiences and our kids is that the students who really love college, the ones who make the friends, find their people, handle the hard weeks, and actually feel like themselves by spring semester, they know something. It's not just about study smarter or picking the right major. It's the life part of college that makes the difference, the stuff that nobody puts in the orientation packet. They're not telling you these things, and that's exactly what this episode is about. My guest is Cynthia Kufel, a life coach who spent 36 years working with teens and young adults. She started as a special education teacher, went on to become a school counselor, and has spent years helping young people build the tools to manage anxiety and grow into capable, confident adults who can actually handle life. So today, Cynthia and I are breaking down the real freshman experience, including the four phases almost every first semester student moves through, and yes, there is a roadmap for this, and how to navigate each one without losing your mind. So we're getting into what to do before you leave home, how to actually make friends when you don't know a single person, what to do when stress starts piling up, why sleep might be the most underrated academic strategy out there, how to build routines that keep you grounded, and maybe most importantly, how to ask for help before things get to crisis level Whether you're feeling excited, terrified, or some very specific mix of both, this episode is for you. Let's get into it. Hey, Cynthia. It's so great to see you today. Hi, I'm so glad to be here. Yeah. Yeah. So we were talking recently, and we were talking about college transition. It's something that both you and I work in, and helping s- students, high school students move from high school to college, and that whole transition, everything that goes on from the stress and anxiety to the daily life of living on campus away from home for the first time. And so we thought it would be great to have this discussion and talk about two teens, talk to them about what is it like. Mm-hmm. What goes on, what to expect, and so forth. Yeah. Well, it's an important time, and I, even though we've both lived through it, I don't know if you experienced this, but it wasn't until a young adult, probably about 21 years old, asked me, "Why is adulting so hard?" And when I really thought about- That transition from home, high school to whatever you do after that is the biggest, hardest transition of all. And there's transitions our entire lives. I'm still going through transitions of different kinds. Absolutely. But that's the hardest one. Yeah. And I never thought about that being the hardest one until that young person asked me that, and I, I really dug into all the different transitions I know about, and I'm like, "Oh, it is hard. It is the hardest." Yeah, and I think it's hard because it is such a, like physically, like location-wise environment is such a big change, and, and then there's everything else on top of that, too, right? Yes. So the social and the self-responsibility and self-agency and advocacy and everything that goes along with it. Yes. So I don't wanna overwhelm everyone here, and we'll, we'll go through- Yeah, don't get scared ... each of the, the things. Yeah. But there's one cool thing that I wanted to kind of bring up to everyone and, and like set an expectation for what is college like, or at least that first semester into the first year. And there's kind of these phases that, that have been studied, and I'm telling you, like every single student goes through this, so reassurance here, you guys, that this is something that will, you'll experience, your, all your classmates will experience. So hopefully that makes you feel a little bit better, and in knowing that this is normal, this is gonna happen- Mm-hmm and I can take this on. So- Yeah ... the phases are in the first one to three weeks, it's what is often called the honeymoon period. Mm-hmm. And so this is when it's exciting, energy is high, everyone's making friends, it's happening fast, and you're starting to figure out your classes, the campus and so on. And then comes the dip. Mm-hmm. And the dip is three to six weeks in, and so that's when homesickness sets in, roommate tensions surface, weekends feel empty, midterms loom. You know, things start to kind of settle in, and some of the not so good things happen, as well as some good things, too. But there definitely is a dip because you're starting to feel that gap. You're starting to feel that void and that difference from what you've had in the past. And then week seven through, say, 12, so like about three months in, is really the critical window. I call it the defining window, but it's, it's where things either turn for the better or don't seem to be getting better, and students really struggle. And this is a real important part to know about because this is where you can be prepared. And so students ha- who have the s- coping skills, which we'll talk about, Cynthia and I both have tips for you, healthy habits, supportive network around you, all those things are gonna be so important. And then in weeks 13 and on, that's like really when you're, you're totally recovering. You're, you're getting your feet, you're feeling grounded, you've got the tools, you're finding balance, your friendships deepen. They become like your, you know, your buds for life sort of thing, and campus starts to feel much more comfortable, much more like home. So that's kind of the four phases, just to give you guys a quick indoctrination and overview of what to expect, and then we'll dive into that. Anything to add to that, Cynthia? I think that that is perfect. I, I hadn't really put it into, like, phases or stages, but all of that makes so much sense, and I have my own story about how those phases hit me and, and what happened, and then, you know, just how, how I'm helping young people now figure that out or navigate that. And I think the biggest, the biggest thing that w- that I want young people to know, and you have mentioned it, is that all of this is normal. Right. Yeah. That's the biggest part, I think, is that when these things happen, when you have all those uncertainties, and loneliness, and all the things, then I think a lot of young people think, "Oh, well maybe I'm not supposed to be here," or, "This is too hard," or, "No one else seems to be experiencing that." And it's just because everyone's pretending- Right ... that they're not experiencing it- Yeah ... but everyone is. And if you have a really close friend, hopefully you can talk with them about how they're feeling during the same time. But every- I mean, and everyone's gonna have a little differences because- Sure what, what your parents helped to prepare you for, such as, you know, doing things on your own, and not doing everything for you. Everyone has different situations at home. So some kids come to school with no skills of really what to do at all by themselves, or how to make any decisions. Other kids have been making decisions for years. Yeah. So of course they're gonna feel a little different or maybe more confident in that area because they had some- Mm-hmm ... some practice with it. But everyone is gonna feel something that doesn't feel good. Right, right. Exactly. So, so true. And even if you don't have some of those skills, or your parents haven't fully prepared you, or life just hasn't fully prepared you, it doesn't mean it's too late. Yeah. Right? Yes. Yeah. Oh, exactly. Yeah, and that's ... 'Cause I ended up being a school counselor. I got my master's degree. A lot of people, when you see someone who is educated or has gone to a couple of levels of education, you assume that it was smooth sailing for them. Like- Yeah ... well, they got to that point, so they must have just, you know, went through all the stages the way we normally think of them. And I dropped out in that slump critical time- Yeah ... when I first went to college because I was experiencing all the things that you were talking about, and I, I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I wasn't supposed to be there. I thought that I wasn't smart enough to handle it. I missed everything about home, and I didn't think I was gonna miss anything. I couldn't wait to get out of my house. Yeah. I couldn't wait to get out of my town. I, I did have a boyfriend at home, but other than that, I really didn't care about anything else that was there, and I didn't think that was going to matter. Right. And it so mattered when I, I got there, and- One of the things that I just realized about that whole process in the last month or two was I listened to a podcast about the Stockdale Paradox, and it has to do with a guy who was in a, a prisoner of war camp for seven years. And he got out after those seven years, and they were asking him what was the difference between the people who made it out and the people who didn't. And he said, "The people who didn't make it were the optimists." And I was like, "Well, wait a minute. I'm an optimist. I thought that I could make it through anything because I always- Right look at the bright side. Right. And I would think that would be a good skill to have in a prisoner of war camp. And he explained it further by saying it wasn't op- it wasn't just optimism, because we do need to have hope for what's gonna happen in the future or that we can do it, or that things are gonna get better. But he said the optimists were lacking reality- Right ... and, like, what this is really about, and this is hard, and this might take a really long time, and this might... You know, like, that stuff in a prisoner of war camp. And I was like, "Oh my gosh, that's what I was missing when I went to college for the first time." Because I'm an optimist, I only thought about, I'm gonna have all the friends. Yeah. I'm gonna ace my classes. 'Cause I was a smart person, I knew that I could do things, and I just, I made everything so big and so amazing and so perfect that I didn't think about anything else. I didn't think about, I'm gonna get lonely. I'm gonna be scared. I'm gonna not think I could make it. You know, like, that was not in my mind at all. Right. So when those things came, I crashed because I had been up on this high of everything's amazing. And when I think about parents, you know, your parents might not realize those things either. Maybe they didn't go, or maybe they didn't have the same kind of experience. Yeah. And so they see you like, "I can't wait to go to school. I- this is gonna be so amazing," 'cause that's what my parents were seeing, is like, this girl's ready to go. Right. Like, she's so excited- Right ... and she's gonna do all these things. And they were so confused when I came home in Octo- I was at the end of October. It's about Halloween time that I came home. And they were like, "What is happening?" You know? Yeah. Like, "You wanted to go there." So I feel like teaching and talking to kids about- that there are gonna be these realities, these hard realities, and that's okay. Yeah. Nothing has gone wrong. Now go back to use that enthusiasm, excitement, to help bridge that while you're figuring that out. Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's really interesting because that's a great example of having these expectations, like it's gonna be wonderful, and then getting there and going, "Oh my gosh," like- " This is not wonderful" ... it's not what I thought. And surprising yourself, you know? Yeah. And realizing like, oh, this is not what I expected. Mm-hmm. And I kind of had the opposite, where I was a little nervous, and I had a couple friends that were gonna be on campus with me. But when I got there, they, they were just partying like crazy, which is- Mm ... fine, but, and this was back in the day when we could drink at 18. Mm-hmm. And, and so but it, that was not what I wanted, and I found myself separating from them and kind of being alone for a little while, but then finding my friends. And so things went fairly smooth. I mean, I did have those ups and downs, but getting into it and finding the groove and, you know, things going better than I thought they would. Because in the beginning they were a little rocky, and I'm like, "Oh, this isn't gonna go well." So you just never know, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, and so I think it is, it's, it's understanding that those things can happen, and you may surprise yourself in different ways, but knowing that there is a through line, that it is possible, and that learning some key skills is what is going to really get you over that gap or, or, you know, that hump in the road. Or actually in this case it would be the dip, right? Mm-hmm. Right. It's that dip and, you know, feeling like, oh, I'm, oh, things are fine and then, oh, not so fine. Mm-hmm. So I think this is a great discussion so that it just kind of level sets for everyone that there are possibilities and there's gonna be those, those phases and changes going on. Just ride it. Just work through it, and focus on yourself and what you can do to get through that. So- Mm-hmm ... it could be, you know, if it's anxiety, working through that. If it's social anxiety, if it's stress, if it's not feeling like you fit in, like is this my place? Are these my people? What can you do to modify that? How can you connect yourself? If it's self-advocacy, making sure you're showing up in class, talking to the professors. If that feels a little hard, what's one little step that you can take? So we can talk about all these things, but- Yes ... I think, you know, that is a really great intro, Mm-hmm ... to get, get perspective. So let's start with maybe some anxiety. Like, I think that's, some, some listeners might be, "I'm really nervous." Mm-hmm. "I am going off to a place that is far from home. I don't know what to expect, and I'm, I'm kind of excited about this, but at the same time, I've got this dread in my gut." Mm-hmm. I think a lot of anxiety comes from uncertainty- Because we're not gonna know exactly what it's gonna be like. We can go on the campus and take a visit and get a feel for what the campus is like. We can meet professors maybe ahead of time, depending on what kind of campus visit you have. You can go to the dorm and maybe see what your room is like or meet some of your roommates ahead of time, and all those things are good because any, any of the things that you can do to take a little of that uncertainty out will help lessen your anxiety. But even if you can't do any of those things, 'cause I know that sometimes your school's so far away that you're going to, or you did, well, I don't even know if they call it potluck, but you don't know who the people are till you get there or whatever. There's, there's a lot of things like that that could happen. But just don't make it mean something wrong if you have anxious thoughts. I think a lot of- Mm ... a lot of young people, a lot of my clients, when they get anxious thoughts, which everyone has by the way, and I think that's another thing that some people get anxious thoughts and they think, "Oh, I have anxiety and my friends don't," or you know, "There's something wrong here." But everyone feels anxious about new environments and new situations. Ask your parents about it and they can talk about when they went to a new job or when they moved away or everyone has like uncertainties about that. But remind yourself that those, that that is normal, and think about, "How can I counter this?" A lot of times also anxiety is coming from us looking at things in a really, like we're thinking about worst case scenario. Like- It's that uncertainty ... what if no one likes me? Well, that's, you know, you're gonna find people. Now maybe it might take a little bit of time to find those certain people, but you know, it's like that all or nothing thinking almost- Mm like, "I won't find any person." Well, reframe that. I'm going to find my people. It might take some time. Instead of- Right ... like making it super negative, which makes you feel more anxious. And our brain loves to look for evidence for what we're thinking about. Right. So if we're thinking, "Oh my gosh, I'm not gonna find friends," then everything that happens when you're there that might seem like somebody might not like you, or they don't- Yeah they're too busy to talk to you, your brain is like, "See?" You're not gonna make any friends. Right. They don't like you. But if you go there thinking, yeah, that person doesn't like you or whatever, and it could be a thousand other things besides that. Mm-hmm. And so you want to steer, you kind of want to steer your own brain t- in the direction you want it to go. So think about where are the w- the bl- the ways, or what are the ways or where are the places I'm gonna find my friends today, or what are some things I can do to find a new friend or talk to a new person or whatever. And then your brain's gonna start saying, "Oh, look at that person over there," or, "That person just held the door for you," or... And, and your brain's gonna start showing you evidence to the things that you're looking towards that are more positive. Mm-hmm. And so that's what I, I have my clients do a lot is look at what are you thinking and how can we change that around or reframe it so that your brain is looking for the evidence you really want, not the evidence you don't want. Right. Yeah. So that awareness, and then looking for those things you do want, and even thinking about where do my interests lie? What is going to excite me? Where am I gonna find people who think the way I do or have interests that I do, or that provides me with conversation topics and things- Mm-hmm ... that I can connect with them o- on. So those things can also help in bringing that into that stress or that worry is, where can I find my comfort zone so I- Mm-hmm ... can show up as myself and feel better, and not feel like I am forcing myself on someone or that this isn't going to work out? And I'm, the colleges do a great job, I think, or they try to do a great job of offering a lot of things at the beginning when kids are coming in where they do mix kids up, and they have different activities and- Orientation get-togethers and socials, and, and the, I'm sure the dorms do that. And there's so many ways, a- and just do them. I mean, even if you feel afraid of them, or you're like, "I don't know who is gonna be there," just go anyway. Yeah. Because- Go to, go to club rush, you know, the- Yes ... clubs that they have and check them all out. Mm-hmm. Sign up for several. Don't just do one and hope everything goes perfectly- Right ... 'cause they may not meet that often. Sign up for a bunch. Go to the first meetings, see how it goes, which ones do you- Mm-hmm ... connect with, how's it feeling, and then narrow it down. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You just don't know who you're gonna meet in those things. I- Right ... have said to young people so often, "Your new best friend might be in that group, or in that, you know, that person that you're gonna meet when you go there," and you don't know that, so you gotta go- Yeah ... so that you might find that new person. Or, as you get older, your life partner may be in some of those clubs- Right or activities that you're gonna find. My daughter found her life partner in a club that she was in in college, and they're the best partners. So you just never know. Right, yeah. And, and my daughter found one of her best friends in college at a, it was, like, one of the more professional clubs that, you know, in their major. So y- yeah, you just never know. You know, she thought it was gonna be with running, 'cause she likes to run, and she was in a run club. You know, it, it just, it's all different. My son found friends through his fraternity, so that's a big- Yeah ... you know, a big area that is very popular, and can be- Mm-hmm ... and it's a whole network of built-in friends, so. Mm-hmm. Lots of options, lo- lots of opportunities, no matter what your interests are. Yes. And that can really start to address, like, any worries or anxieties that you have about getting adjusted or finding your people on campus. Mm-hmm. Another area of anxiety, I think, is managing your life. Ah, yeah. Here you suddenly landed on campus, your parents drive off waving goodbye, and you now have a roommate to deal with, and maybe you've had your own bedroom for years. Mm-hmm. You have a dining hall that's, like, open season, anything is there and available, a schedule that has big open gaps of time that you have to manage and figure out, what am I going to do? Am I going to game the whole time, or be unsocial? Or I'm going to be, you know, making sure I'm staying up with my classes, so things like that. And then there's also getting sufficient sleep. Are you exercising, moving, taking care of your body? All of those things, like, just life on campus is so critical. I think some of the things that do get overlooked is, all right, there's a few. There's sleep. Mm-hmm. That's a major one. And then movement does get overlooked in the sense of are you exercising? Are you taking care of your body? Because that is essential in making sure that you're staying healthy and you're staying energized. Your body is getting the movement that it needs so that you're not always just sitting, and, and it's helping with your brain along the way. So I think those are some really good things. And then of course, absolutely getting along with your roommate, figuring out life in the dorm, whether it's doing laundry and making sure you're keeping up with that so you don't stink your roommate out. Mm-hmm. You know, all those things that can add a lot of stress once you start realizing like, "Oh, this is all on my shoulders." Yes. "I have to take care of all of this." Mm-hmm. Well, and I, two weeks ago, my podcast wa- ta- I think the title was Freedom Is a Trap. And I, I still remember, and I still think about if I think about true free time or I have nobody to tell me what to do, and I don't have to make any decisions for anyone else, it feels amazing when you think about it. And I know that every young person going to college is like, "Oh, my parents aren't going to tell me what to do. I can stay up all night. I can eat whatever I want. I can do whatever I want." And all of that sounds amazing, but it isn't really amazing when everything starts falling apart. And we really do need to have a routine or schedule of some kind in order to be able to get all the things done and stay somewhat organized. And I know everyone has different ideas of what organization is. Some people are very strictly organized. Some people are organized, but it doesn't look like it. Mm-hmm. But you have to find a way that you have space in your day for these other things. And when you have 150 hours of extra time that you didn't have when you were in high school It feels like, oh, it's so fun to be able to game a long time or to do, you know, run around with my friends for hours when I couldn't do that before. But, and it, there's nothing wrong with playing games or running around with your friends, but just make sure that you have a balance of the things that you need to have- Yeah, right ... in that free time, so it's not just laying around for hours or binge-watching something for hours or, you know, sleeping all the time or never sleeping. I mean, that, I think both things can be detrimental to you. Yeah. And so just finding some way to schedule that, whether that's writing it down, whether it's a digital calendar routine of some kind. But just having blocks of, during this block, I'm gonna be doing my homework. During this block, I'm gonna hang out with my friends. During this block, I'll play video games. During this block, I'm gonna exercise. Right. During this block is when I eat. You know, just all the things. And so it doesn't have to be strict, or you don't have to... 'Cause I know that that starts freaking people out. Like, "Oh my gosh, I can't, I can't follow a schedule that strict. I don't like that." But you just have to have an order to your day of some kind, and you just have to feel it out. Like, if you've never done that before, or maybe your parents created the schedule for you, you know, school kind of, high school creates a schedule for you- Yes ... because you just have to go do those things, and they tell you, and the bells ring and all that. Yeah, and your extracurriculars- So just think about- ... so it's like you know you have to be at a certain- Yeah ... place at a certain time. Yeah. Well, that, that is a skill that is missed a lot, just because you never had to do it before. Mm-hmm. And so now you do have to figure out, and this is an adult skill that goes way past college. This does, it, we're not just telling you this to survive college. You have to be able to do this the rest of your life if you're gonna be a successful, healthy person. Yeah. You know, you may know some adults who are not successful or healthy, but it's because they don't have some sort of order to their days. They're just saying, "Oh, well, someday I'll get that done," or they don't have it down, like on this day I do this, at this time I do this. And you just have to figure it out for yourself, like what feels good to you. Don't make it so crazy to cause more anxiety on yourself. W- do it to be nice to yourself. Mm-hmm. And then when you have free time, and you have that block of hang out with my friends- Then you're just having fun and you're not thinking about, "Oh, I didn't... My homework is sitting back at the room, and I shouldn't be with my friends, but I wanna be with my friends." You've already got that done because you had a block of time for it, and now it's time for the fun part. Right. Yeah. Yeah, and you're getting that balance so that you're not worrying about, "Oh, I'm falling behind," then you're feeling worse about it, so then you start maybe giving up on it and just spending all your time with your friends- Mm-hmm ... which can happen too. Yes. So yeah, I think that is really helpful a- and a great perspective because along with that is making sure that y- yes, there is a structure of a schedule, and as you were saying, Cynthia, you know, it doesn't have to be rigid. But part of that also is showing up for yourself- Yeah ... right? Is being committed. Like, because the other thing that can happen is, you know, if you... A lot of professors don't check are you in the class or not. Some do, but some won't. They, they expect you to be responsible and to s- you know, self-manage your time- Mm-hmm and your, your classes, and your success. And so this is another thing that does continue on after college for the rest of your life, is are you showing up for class even though you don't really want to, even though- Mm-hmm ... you're not feeling great or you're tired because you- Uh-huh ... stayed up too late the night before. But realizing, like, "I made a commitment here. I'm here for an education. I'm gonna go to class," that happens in the working world. Like, you need to show up for work even though maybe you don't feel great. Mm-hmm. So these are some realities in a... And but, you know, they're, they're good because they are getting you to an end goal, and in the moment sometimes it feels, "Eh, I just don't feel like it." And there will be times that, yeah, you make the decision, "I'm not gonna go," for whatever reasons. But not letting that become so frequent that you are starting to fall behind, and then that stress level does increase, that anxiety increases- Oh, yeah ... and that feeling like, "Oh, this is not working out. This is not the place for me," which is where we started- Yeah is, like, feeling- Mm-hmm ... good about college, enjoying it, getting everything that you can out of it. Mm. So that, that is a real important factor that I just wanted to point out, is just showing up for yourself because that's what- Yes ... you're doing when you go to classes. You're showing up for yourself. Mm-hmm. Yes, and I think a lot of young people sort of miss that. Like, "Oh, well I'm... It's only about me if I don't go." But you're really, you're, you're building a skill of I'm gonna go do the things even when I don't feel like it, and- That isn't, like when I was saying you, this is stuff for the rest of your life, I still have to make myself do things I don't wanna do that need to be done, and I, I need to have that skill. And it started when I finally went back to school and, you know, did the things that I was supposed to do. I had to learn to do that. Like, I'm gonna do what I say I'm gonna do. Mm-hmm. And I had to unfortunately find that out the hard way, and that's why, you know, we both do the work that we do, 'cause we wanna make this a little bit easier for you. We want you to go and feel good about what's going on and come out successful without all the stumbling around and trying to figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's, let's talk a little bit about lifestyle factors, and sleep I think- Yes ... is a really big one because, again, you're away from home. You don't have a schedule. Your parents aren't saying, "In bed by 11:00," or something like that. Mm-hmm. You've got devices in the room with you if maybe you didn't before. Maybe in your family you had them in a different room. Maybe you did, but it's, you know, different now because, again, everything is just, there's a different sort of structure and it's self-driven. You've got a roommate, maybe they're staying up later than you want them to. Maybe they're not- Mm-hmm ... considerate on noise. You know, the- there's people in the, the dorm hallways yelling, making noise Mm-hmm ... people outside that you can hear. So you could be... Or you just are staying up late because that's a habit of yours, but then you're having to get up for an early class. Uh-huh. So making sure that you are managing your sleep in a way that you're supporting your wellbeing, you still do need that amount of time, that amount of sleep to really make sure that you're caring for your body and that you are giving your brain everything it needs to do that work at night when it's- Hm detoxing, when it's storing information, when it's just resetting and getting rest for the next day so that you can wake up refreshed and, refreshed and ready to go. So I think that's something that is a common struggle, I know, with clients that I've worked with, trying to get a sleep schedule, that they are staying up until 2:00, 3:00 in the morning, and they're having to get up for a morning class, and then they're not going to class and things like that. So I did wanna point that out, that just creating a routine for yourself, trying to be as consistent as possible. Of course, not every night's gonna be that way. Not everything's gonna be perfect. But when, again, just like your schedule during the day, if you're setting that as part of your schedule, then it makes it so much easier. You know, like, "Okay, I want to be in my dorm room at this time. I want to start getting myself prepared and wind down," maybe prep for the next day. Have a, you know, a routine that you do. Whatever maybe you've done at home, try to carry that into your life on, on campus as much as possible. That will give you consistency that will make you feel better- Mm-hmm make you feel less, like, disoriented, less uncomfortable with where you're at. So the more that you can replicate some of those good things that maybe you had about sleep routines, that maybe you had some consistency in high school, try to bring that into your college life as best you can. And then work through maybe those challenges that are- Like out of your control, like a roommate having a conversation, or getting earplugs if the dorm is loud. Mm-hmm. Like that, where you can start to figure it out and optimize your health and wellbeing so that you are optimized for academics, for social life, for coping when things are feeling kind of tough or down. Mm-hmm. Well, and if we're not getting enough sleep, physically we can become ill too- Absolutely which is part of, you know, and then you might be missing class 'cause you don't feel well. And then the, like a lot of things start kind of falling apart there. And I think, I notice that young people tend to get sick more when they first go to college because you're around a bunch of different germs maybe you've never been around before. There's kind of like when you, you know, first went to school way back when you were little, you got sick a lot until you got, you know, used to everyone's germs, and then people just kind of get immune to some of the stuff that goes on. But you're not immune to any of the stuff that's there, and lack of sleep just makes your immune system even lower. Absolutely. And if you're not sleeping, even though you're maybe getting up with two hours of sleep and going to class, you're not really getting anything out of the class because your brain isn't working correctly because- Right ... it didn't get enough sleep. So it, there's just a lot of like compounding things that happen when you think, oh, what's the big deal about losing some sleep, because we all do. I mean, I've, I've had to lose sleep for different reasons too, but if it's a, something that's, you're routinely doing, you're really hurting a lot of pieces of this, this puzzle, not just, oh, I didn't get enough sleep. And there was a study that I read recently, and I've been telling all of my college age clients about this is that, about people who cram for tests the night before, like they stay up all night studying and then, you know, run to go take the test, and they feel like they do better because they, you know, studied so many hours. But the studies and the research shows that people do better if they go to sleep and get a reasonable amount of sleep, study when they get up, and then go take the test. Definitely. They always do better than if they stayed up all night cramming for the test. And you maybe were a crammer in high school, 'cause I know a lot of high school students that do the cramming all night for certain tests, and maybe you've had success with it. I'm not saying that you can't get lucky or that, you know, maybe you're just a fairly good test taker and you just kind of use that. But if you're doing that all the time, I think eventually you're going to do worse on tests, and it's just better to have a different system where- Yeah ... you get your sleep and then go to the test with a rested brain. There's no way that you wouldn't do better on your test. Well, and, and w- what's important to, to know is that a lot of universities, you're doing midterms, s- some professors are even testing weekly. It, there's a higher frequency often with tests and midterms and finals. Finals are not high frequency, but you know, you're, it's m- you're more frequent that you're being test. The, the pace is faster in- Mm-hmm ... a lot of college classes, so trying to keep up with that, and if you are maxing yourself out and having these all-nighters frequently, it will have an impact and, and- For sure ... and it can catch up. So yeah, exactly. If you have been successful or you've done it in the past and felt like it worked, it may not work. No, no. And there is a lot of data to show that it does have that residual impact, and it affects other parts of your life. Your mood, you start to get grumpy. Mm-hmm. You start to, you know, you're not focusing as well when you are in class. So maybe that test, you muscled through it, but then the rest of the day things aren't going so well. You're not focusing on the other classes that you have. You're not retaining the information as well. So there really is this, this whole, you know, residual effect sort of thing. Mm-hmm. And it is bleeding into other areas of your life. So trying to, trying to be aware of that and come up with strategies that maybe help yourself. The syllabus is a huge value- Mm-hmm ... and using that, which you get in the first, typically the first day or two of class, knowing what's coming and kind of tracking your schedule based on that is a huge help because then you're staying up and you're not needing to cram at the last minute. And you can, sure, you can study several days in advance, try, you know, getting through the material, refreshing yourself, and then as you said, Cynthia, go to bed at a reasonable time. Give yourself, you know, at least a decent seven hours of sleep, and then you're refreshed Do a quick review of maybe some hot, hot, hot topics or areas that you really wanna refresh on, and then go take the test. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. The one thing that I keep thinking I wanna make sure that I say is that When you're, before you even get on campus, I think it's really important for you, as much as you can, now you won't know about your professor's office hours probably until school starts, 'cause you'll get that on the syllabus, but like, where is the counseling center on the campus? What are the hours of that counseling center? How do, what is the process to get an appointment? Or, you know, can I just walk in, and what does that look like? Where's the tutoring center? Yeah. If I, you know, need help with something, where is it at? What are the hours? What's the process of getting a tutor? Or c- is that a place where I can just walk in and get help on certain things? And all that information will be on the website. There's probably other, you know, ways for you to find out, maybe in- Talk to other students about it ... some of the, yeah, some, I'm s- I'm sorry ... you probably get information, yeah, when you get accepted into the school. They probably send you some stuff about this, and a lot of kids just throw that stuff to the side because it's like, "Oh, well, I don't care about that," or, "I don't", or, "I'll look for it when I need it." And then, especially in a counseling mental health crisis situation, your brain isn't working correctly anyway, so if you're waiting, "Oh, if I need the crisis center, I'll figure it out when the time comes", you won't be able to figure it out because your, your brain won't be able to process or problem solve what you need to do, or, "How do I go about it?" or, "What should I do?" And so just figure those things out. Just do it this summer before you go. Just- Right ... just write down some stuff, just kind of know where are things at. Look at the campus map- If I ever need it- ... if you need to, you know? Yeah, yeah. Go online and look at the campus map, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And maybe- Yeah ... you won't need those things, and that's great. But just know about them ahead of time so that when you feel that panic or that overwhelm or whatever it is that is making you want to go to these different areas, you've already got it figured out, and all you have to do is open up something to look at, "Oh, it's these hours," or, "This is what I do," not, "Oh my gosh, what do I do?" trying to figure it out. Right, yeah. It g- and I think it, it gives you a comfort level because you do know that they're there and what they offer. Yes. Sometimes it seems a little intimidating when you don't know, what is it like? What are they going to be able to do for me? Oh, they can't help me with that. Mm-hmm. Well, actually, they, they do have this resource. Yeah. So knowing what are those resources and, as you said, where they're located. And also not waiting. Mm-hmm. Like, soon as you start to struggle or as soon as you feel like you need some additional support, like it's math tutoring and they have a math session every week. Go to it. Mm-hmm. Like, jump in as early as you can. If you're starting to feel like, "I'm not tracking with the class", go to the professor, go to the office hours. Mm-hmm. Ask the questions. There's TAs also, the teaching assistants. That's what they're there. They're there to help. And so email them, contact them, find out, okay, what is this, can you clarify this on the assignment? I wanna make sure I'm approaching it correctly. Don't try to struggle on your own and put hours and hours of effort in- Mm ... before you then reach out, because you're just going to make it so much more difficult on yourself. Self-advocate. This is where self-advocacy is so, so important in college, and I think what you'll hopefully find is that it just makes everything easier and not harder when you do go get those resources and you get that support as soon as you can versus at the crisis time. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. Well, it'll be so much easier to, if you go at, when you first start struggling in the math class or you go talk to the professor at the beginning of something seeming like it might be a problem, it's gonna be a much shorter amount of time- Exactly ... to get the, you know, get it fixed, than if you wait until everything has fallen apart and there's so much to do to fix the problem. And that goes with mental health, physical health, anything that's going on, don't wait until, you know, you're practically bedridden or whatever. You need to do it before so that it's a quicker recovery time for whatever you're talking about. Yeah, and remember, these are college campuses, major universities, right? They know what students go through. Yes. They have the resources. Don't assume, "Oh, they won't have that. Oh, they can't help me with this." Absolutely they can. They know what life- Yes ... is like on campus, and so as you're saying, Cynthia, whether it's academic, whether it's mental health, physical health, whatever it might be, wellness, they can support. There's even, a lot of campuses have mentors that they- Mm-hmm ... can pair you with another student who is maybe in a more advanced. They're a, a junior or a senior, and they can support you and walk you through some specific areas that maybe you're seeking support for. Mm-hmm. So there's lots of options out there. Definitely get familiar with what is a- what is available, how does it work, how do I approach this, what do the timing look like, what's the schedule look like, you know, availability, whatever it might be. But prepping yourself in advance is so important. It's just like you know, if you think about like, oh, I want to eat well. Okay, well you're gonna do some meal prepping. Mm-hmm. You're going to make sure that y- when you go shopping, that you're getting the ingredients that you want to be eating for that week. Well, it's kind of the same sort of thing. It's like prepping in advance. It's thinking it through. It's organizing that so that when you do need it, when you go into the fridge, the food is there. Mm. Same thing. When you need to get support, it's there and you know exactly where to access it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That is, I think that's probably one of the number one things- I want young people to know about is that ahead of time stuff, and- Yeah ... just being, being proactive so that things are just much easier. Mm-hmm. You just don't have to go through as many headaches, and it's not as overwhelming if you try to fix it at the beginning. Yeah. Great. Cynthia, thanks so much. And I, yeah, I think just to end this, I think being aware, having the information, starting to build the skills before you go to college, and, and then when you're there, just being kind to yourself, recognizing- Yeah that other students are going through this. Maybe even talk, you know, if you have a, a good friend or you're starting to make some friends, talk about some of the challenges that they're going through and support each other, access the resources, and things will be much better, much easier, and go more smoothly as a result- Mm-hmm because you are taking the steps. You are implementing tools and strategies to support yourself, and that's what's key. Yeah. I love that. That's wonderful. I'm so excited for their years and, and what- Yeah ... they're gonna do with their schooling, and, um- Yeah, exactly ... they'll be, they'll do just fine. All right. And if you wanna get in touch with either one of us, our information will be in the show notes. Mm-hmm. And would love to chat with you guys and support you through this transition, and make it as smooth and as fun and as rewarding as possible. Yes, definitely.