Before the Crisis Call: What Your College Freshman Needs to Know

 Your college freshman’s first visit to the tutoring center should not happen two days before they fail a class. They should not have to figure out how to contact the counseling center for the first time while they are already in crisis. 

In this episode, I share the campus resources every incoming freshman should locate before classes begin, including academic advising, tutoring, counseling, student health services, and professor office hours. I also explain why asking for help is an adult skill and what parents can say when their student calls home overwhelmed, instead of immediately stepping in to fix everything. 

A little preparation now can help your freshman take the next step when they are stressed, sick, falling behind, or unsure what to do. 

Get the free Before You Call Home College Help Finder:
https://cheerful-writer-462.kit.com/b5264c8b8c 

Join The Resilient Launch Priority List to be one of the first families to hear when enrollment opens:
https://cheerful-writer-462.kit.com/8f5b8b99a3 

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Email me:  ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me:  785-380-2064
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Transcript

  You don't want your college freshman's first visit to the tutoring center to be two days before they fail the class. Or you don't want them trying to figure out how to get a counseling appointment when they are in a crisis, because their thinking brain isn't working during that time, and if they've never looked into how do I make an appointment, where is it, what do I do, who do I email, who do I call, they're not gonna be able to figure that out when they're in a crisis. So that's what I'm gonna talk about today, is the things that they need to find out and think about ahead of time before they move in I have worked with college students in the past. They weren't my main clients, but I always had some i- in the mix of things, and this even happened in high school as well. But in college, it's... you're a little more hands-off there, and so you're not able to catch these things at the right time because failing a class usually doesn't start there at failing the class. It probably started with maybe they missed a class or maybe they've been going, but they just don't understand what's happening in the class. And they might try a few things, maybe talk to a few friends or somebody who's been in the class, and then maybe it just becomes so overwhelming that they start not going to class because it's just so overwhelming to go there or to think about it. They don't email their professor because as more time goes by, and the more confused they get and the more they've missed, the more ashamed they are about not doing the things that they know they should be doing, or maybe they don't even know that's what they should be doing. And then they skip more class and feel more behind, and maybe it starts spreading to other classes as they feel overwhelmed, behind, not good enough, not smart enough, maybe they shouldn't be there. And then the parent later, much later, gets that late-night phone call that says, "Oh my gosh, I'm all messed up and I don't know what to do." And then at that point, they're asking you to change it or fix it or, or do something about it. And so talking about these things ahead of time will help, like creating a plan ahead of time so that you know what should you do d- in these situations. How should you approach it? How should they approach it? And I created a, worksheet that they can fill out that helps them to know what are these things I need to know ahead of time, and even has little sentence starters for how you start a conversation with the professor. How do you start a conversation with the counseling center? How do you start a conversation with the tutoring center? So all of these things, uh, will be helpful to them, and I called it Before You Call Home. So these are all the things that they should be thinking about and doing before they call home. But in case you don't get that worksheet or don't know, I wanna talk to you about it today. The first weeks of college are so important, and this actually I think can be each year they need to be thinking about some of these things, because maybe one year feels different than another year. But definitely their first year of college, because it's a whole new way of doing school. College is just set up differently than high school is, and they have a lot more free time in between classes, in between e- the times that they need to turn in their homework. It's just different than what they had experienced before They have more freedom to do the things that they wanna do. They don't have to do what people are telling them to do. There's not as many expectations about going to class, or teachers aren't reminding them about what they need to be doing. Their sleeping and eating routines are different probably than what they were before, again, because they can go to bed when they want to. They can get up when they want to. There's nobody telling them what to do. There's not a lot of structure at all other than what they're creating for themselves, which if they don't know how to do that, that is gonna be difficult They're gonna experience loneliness and homesickness because all of their friends did not go with them. I mean, sometimes some of the friends do, but not all of them. Maybe they're leaving even a romantic partner at home at their, in their old town. Or they just miss that people know them. That was something that I missed when I went to college because I was, I grew up in a small town and everybody knew me, and I enjoyed being somebody that was known and then all of a sudden nobody knows who I am, and that was hard for me. It was like an identity shift that I didn't expect to happen or even think about. There could be roommate challenges. I know when I first moved to the dorm I didn't even have a chance to not get along with her. She was so ... She wanted to be with her friends so badly that she just stayed in their room every night, so I didn't ever really get to know her. And then she, as soon as she was able to switch to the other room to be with her friends, she did. And so for a short time I was by myself, which was fine because, um, all I wanted to do was call my boyfriend on the phone and talk to him. So I didn't care that I didn't have a roommate For, you know, that period of time, and I didn't give myself a chance to even be lonely. I was definitely homesick 'cause my boyfriend was back home. That's who I was calling all the time. But I wasn't lonely there because I just filled up my lonely time with talking to him on the phone or writing him letters, 'cause this was before all the other ways to communicate with people. And then the second roommate I got I actually really liked, but and she and I g- were fine and, and got along, but she wasn't there very often either, so that's probably why we didn't have a lot of roommate challenges, because we just didn't spend that much time together. But a lot of, a lot of my clients and a lot of just kids that I talk to, and my own daughter, had roommate problems. You know, there's just so many different things that can happen. People just have different personalities and different values of, w- when they wanna go to sleep or how much quiet time they need, and there's just so many things to navigate that kids don't think about. There's just different academic pressure, just it feels different. Like, sometimes I actually thought college was easier academically than high school was for some reason. I'm not really sure. I think part of it was because I wanted to be in college and I didn't wanna be in high school. So that probably made a difference. But I don't, I really don't think that the work was actually that much different, but for some kids it could be. And so that's another thing that they're navigating. And just all the responsibilities of laundry and when you're gonna go home and when you're gonna stay, and creating boundaries with people about how often you're gonna go out and how much time you're gonna spend on video games. And I mean, just like so many things. Like, everything is thrown at you at the same time. And so even if your young person at home was thriving amazingly and doing everything that they were supposed to do and always turning everything in, and you were just like, "This kid has got it figured out," it's very possible that when they go to college that won't be the case anymore, maybe just for a short period of time. I'm not saying that there's going to be problems, but I think that you need to expect that it's very possible that all of these changes are gonna throw them at least somewhat. And so definitely talking about it ahead of time and making sure that they have plans in place about what they're gonna do when those things do feel funny or when they feel like they're getting overwhelmed There's a lot of places on campus that kids need to know about ahead of time because all of them are places that you would go after some things maybe not going the way you would like them to. And once we start getting anxious or worried or panicked about our grades or mental health or our physical health Part of our brain is shutting down, that problem-solving, learning, uh, decision-making part of our brain, and so we need to do some stuff ahead of time to make sure that we know where certain areas are. And I think the main ones are your academic advisor. Sometimes that person has been the one that helped you create your schedule in the first place, but sometimes maybe a certain part of the school has different advisors. You just need to know, who do I go to if I have questions about my schedule, or classes, or dropping or adding, and those kinds of things. And where is that offi- office located? What are the hours of that office? How do I get an appointment to talk to somebody? All of those things you need to think about. You know, how do I go about getting an appointment with my academic advisor? And then the tutoring or academic support center. Where is that located on the campus? What are the hours of that? How do I get tutoring? Most of the time, the tutoring center can be open till later, you know, 9:00 or 10:00 at night, depending on who's there, who's available to be a tutor or what they do, and are there certain subject areas at certain times? W- There's so many things you need to know about that. Have all of that stuff written down and decided ahead of time in case you need that. And won't it be amazing if your kid doesn't need any of these things? Be prepared. Be proactive about finding out these things so that no matter what happens, they're ready to go. Counseling center. You know, what... where is that at? How do I go see a counselor? How do I make an appointment? Is there a wait list? If there is a wait list, what do I do if I'm in a crisis? What are all the things that go into getting an appointment with the counseling center? And then the student health center. That's the physical health part. You know, what if I have... I had a client she wasn't a freshman, but it was her sophomore or junior year. She had 106 temperature, and that's a go to the emergency room situation. And luckily her roommates realized that, oh my gosh, this is, you know, serious and we need to go get help. But the health center would at least be, like, the very first place you could call if you were like, "I don't know if this is serious or not." Um, luckily, those girls did know that it was serious and they went, but where is the health center? How do you get an appointment? What are the hours? What's the process? Like, all these things about each of these places. And then, and you usually can't do this one until you're on campus or you go to your first class of, you know, all of your classes in your schedule. Your professor's office hours and office hour policy. So where is their office located? What building is it in? What are the hours? How do you get an appointment? Can you just walk in during the hours? Do you have to have an appointment? Who do you call if you need an appointment? What is their email address? All of these things it sounds so simple and, and almost silly, but at the same time, people just think if I need help, I'll figure it out," or, "If I need counseling, I'll figure out what I need to do." But those are the times when you're not gonna be thinking straight, especially the counseling center or the health center, where you're not feeling well and you're stressed out or, like literally sick. I mean, if you have 106 temperature, you probably can't even... Your brain probably doesn't even work. So, you know, and maybe talking to your roommates, if you have them, about, you know, "Here's my proactive plan, you know, what are you guys gonna do?" And then that way if something does happen where you're not able to make the decisions, your friends know what you know, what your ideas are or where your paper is that has all this information on it I want all young people to know that asking for help is an adult skill. Adults ask for help when they don't know where something is or how something works, and I think young people don't realize that's an adult skill. They think, "Oh, well, if I was an adult, I would know how to do this," or, "I would have this figured out if I was an adult." And so they don't ask for help because they think that makes them look like they don't know what they're doing. But really, make sure that your child knows that asking for help is the mature thing to do, that is what's gonna help them get through and be successful versus just trying to figure it out and spinning around in overwhelm I think a lot of times too, young people don't realize how serious the problem is at the beginning. You know, like getting confused early on in the class, they're like, "Oh, well, I'll just figure it out," or, "I'll ask my friend," or, "I don't wanna bother anyone." And the earlier you can ask for help when you don't understand what's going on, the easier and faster you're going to get through that time, and maybe you won't need help again. Or even if you do, learning how to ask for help, it gets easier on how to ask for help the next time, and if you've already been through the procedure with that professor already, then you can just easily get jumped back into that if you're needing help on another section of what you're doing In my before you call home worksheet, it gives some, some sentence starters on how to talk to different offices and people on the campus. Saying something like, "I'm struggling with this assignment. Can you help me understand the next step?" Or, "I think I'm beginning to fall behind. What support is available?" And I was thinking about sometimes young people don't wanna talk to people that they think are old because it seems maybe intimidating or they're not really sure how to handle it. But if they're in a dorm, they probably have an RA, and usually that's a person that's a younger person who is also a student. They're just older and have been through the procedures before. And so it might be easier to talk to someone around their age. A lot of times academic advisors are also just graduated students or maybe upperclassmen that are doing that as a work study, and they might be easier, they might feel like they're easier to approach than someone who's the professor or somebody who's more in a leadership position And parents, when your child calls you in panic and is like, "Oh my gosh, you need to fix all these problems that have been created," I wanna give you some ideas of things to say instead. So instead of just jumping right in and fixing all their problems, I know that feels like the best thing to do is, 'cause they're gonna get calmed down, and then you're gonna be like, "Oh, good, they're not gonna have repercussions from some of these things that they've been doing." But try to just stop and think first, and then ask them these kinds of questions. What do you think your next step is? Who on campus could help you? What have you already tried? Do you want me to listen, brainstorm, or help you make a plan? Those are things that help them start to create the confidence in themselves and the self-awareness in themselves about what, what it takes to be a problem solver as an adult. Because, you know, a lot of times we're not having them do that when they're at home, which it's important to do that. So if you have younger kids, try to start doing some of this while they're still living in your house. Even if you haven't, nothing has gone wrong. You just need to start doing that now so that they can create those problem-solving skills that they're gonna need their entire lives. And this is the time to help support them in building those skills And make sure that you, again, reiterate to them that adults ask for help. As an adult, I know that I ask for help from people all the time. Now, sometimes I ask my phone for help about, you know, certain things that I need to know how to fix or who do I talk to if I want this to happen or that to happen, but typically I'm still gonna have to talk to a human or contact a human through email or something to try to get answers to my questions, and I want you to just normalize that for them that, yes, they- that's what adults do. We ask questions, and we get help and support from other people who know more about something than we do, and we can't know everything that there is to know. There's just too in the world to know, and so let's use all the information that's available to us and the people that are available to us to help us problem solve and make the right decisions for our own lives So if you're interested in the Before You Call Home worksheet, there will be a link to get that in the show notes or in the YouTube description, or wherever you're watching or listening to this, you will be able to get that. Also, on some of my bios, there will be a, there'll be a link to the the Resilient Launch program that I'm doing. And so if you would like someone to be walking alongside your college freshman, helping them figure all this stuff out, working on a Before You Call Home sheet together so that they are getting the right information on it, then, um, sign up for the priority list. That way you'll be the first to know when I'm opening that, and when I'm choosing my, my 10 families that I'm gonna work with. You could be one of those 10 families, and I would love to work with you. So, uh, sign up for the priority list if you're interested in getting help with this, or if you would just like the Before You Call Home sheet so that you can help your child get some of the stuff done before they move out, I would love that. And I will talk to you soon.