E 270 I Dropped Out Mid-Semester Here’s What I Wish I’d Known

So many college freshmen hit a wall mid-semester — feeling lonely, overwhelmed, or unsure if they belong. In this episode, I share my personal story of dropping out mid-semester and what I’ve learned from working with students who are living that same experience today.

You’ll learn:

Why the mid-semester slump happens (the “messy middle”)

What students can do when they feel stuck or anxious

How parents can support without rescuing

How to normalize uncertainty and build emotional resilience

Whether you’re a student feeling lost or a parent wondering how to help, this episode will give you hope, perspective, and practical next steps.

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Transcript

Is your child feeling lost in college right now? If you are a college student, are you feeling lost in college right now, especially this mid-semester time? I guess it's a little more than mid-semester, but if you are, if you, if you are a parent whose child has been talking to you about this, or if you are a college student and you're feeling this way, this episode is for you.

I want to start with a story. So when I graduated from high school, I was ready to go to college. I grew up in a small town and I didn't wanna live in a small town. I wanted to live in a city and I wanted to get away from my parents, and I was so excited about just. Being an adult and doing the things that I dreamed of doing.

And I remember that [00:01:00] whole senior year I was writing all these plans and goals and all the things I was gonna get involved in, all the friends I was gonna have, all the parties I was gonna go to, just I was so excited about going. And that summer I met a guy and I fell head over heels in love with him and.

Became obsessed with him, but I still wanted to be free. I wanted to do my own thing. I wanted to go to college, and the college was about an hour and a half away from my hometown. And that whole summer, I spent my entire summer. Well, once I started dating this guy, the rest of the summer was him. I was spending all my time with him or my friends.

And even on move-in day, he went along with my parents to take me to college and then they all went home. And then [00:02:00] there I was. And my really good friend from high school, we didn't wanna room together because we had heard if you room with people that you like, you may not like them later. And we wanted to stay friends.

So she was on the eighth floor of the dorm and I was on the seventh floor of the dorm. And we moved in and I was so excited and I couldn't wait to do all the things that I had planned to do. And I love school. I love learning. So I knew that the classes would be fun, learning new things, meeting new people, and I was just, it was just going amazing.

Or so I thought for the first few weeks, then my roommate, um, because at that time I think you always had to have a roommate in the dorm. I don't. Know what the exact rules were, but the roommate that I didn't know until I moved in, [00:03:00] I had actually hardly ever seen her because she was so wanting to be with her own friends from high school that she was never in our room.

And then she asked to. Move to a different room to be closer to her friends or maybe be in with her friends. And even though I didn't know her, I was feeling kind of like, oh, I guess she didn't like me, or there was something wrong with me. And that's why she didn't wanna be in my room. So I was in my room by myself for a while and I would.

Go upstairs to see my, my high school friend on the eighth floor. But she was doing great, making friends and had already was making plans and doing stuff with people and I just didn't, I just felt like, oh, well, where are the friends that I'm making and where are the people that I'll fit in with? And so I just sort of retreated to.

Writing letters to my boyfriend and calling him on the phone. [00:04:00] Now, in those days it was long distance and I suppose it was sort of modern in the way that we had phones in our rooms, or at least some people did. And I had a phone in my room so I could talk to him while I was in my room. But. It was still expensive.

And I remember the phone bill was terrible. But anyway, I remember calling him a lot and it just made me feel better. And I couldn't, I mean, I would just be counting hours down until the weekend came so I could go home so that I could see him. And then I was feeling so lonely and sad. And I was starting to notice in the classes that.

They were harder than I was used to in high school, and I also was a first generation college student, and so I didn't have anything. I, I couldn't ask my parents about any of this stuff because they didn't experience going to college and. [00:05:00] I started to feel like maybe I wasn't supposed to be in college, or maybe I wasn't smart enough or he couldn't, couldn't handle it, and it just felt so much better to just go home and be with my boyfriend because I didn't have to think about any of that stuff, and I enjoyed being with him.

And by Halloween, I decided I'm packing up and I'm out of here. I just wanna be with him. I don't wanna do this anymore. I am scared. I'm lonely. I'm sad. I don't, I don't think I'm, well, I wasn't doing a good job because I was spending so much time doing other things that I wasn't doing my classes. And I just kinda stopped going to classes because I was so sad.

And so, um. Torn about whether I really should be there or not. And so I just packed all my stuff. I did not tell my friend upstairs because I knew she would try to talk me out of it, and I did not wanna be talked out of this decision I wanted. [00:06:00] I want it out. I just, I was like, this is, I can't deal with this right now.

And so I just backed up everything and I went home. Now, not home to my parents. I did not tell my parents that I was leaving college. I just went home to live with my boyfriend. Now, this is not, I'm not condoning that, and it certainly is something that I wish I wouldn't have done, but at the time, I did not see any other option to that.

When I got home, I knew like after all of those other emotions of I don't fit in here. What am I doing? I'm sad, I'm lonely. I'm back into a more comfortable setting where I feel loved and taken care of. And I, I knew I wanted to go to school. I knew that I wanted to get a degree and do something in my life, but I, but I knew that I needed to do it in a way where I could spend [00:07:00] time.

A lot of time with my boyfriend, or at least that's what I thought I needed, and so I just looked for a school close by and that's what I did. But I started thinking about this mid-semester time. What is so volatile about it? What is it about that particular time? Because I talked to a client this week who is a freshman in college.

It's the mid-semester and she started talking to me about all these things and I was like, oh my gosh, I remember this and I think this is actually normal.

I wanna talk to you about the messy middle. It's kind of like, you know, they talk about the honeymoon phase of anything. So anytime we start a job, start a business, which I can relate to this in my, uh, business, going to college, going to a new school. Picking up a new [00:08:00] hobby. I mean, anytime we're doing something new that we haven't done before, there's that initial excitement.

Oh my gosh. You know, just imagining all the things that are, how it's gonna be when you know how to play that instrument, or when you learn the painting techniques or when you're in the school, what it's gonna be like, or what new friends you're gonna make, or all the things. There's so much excitement.

About the beginning of, of anything that we do that's new, but college especially, there's so many dreams and ideas about what's to come. Um, after, you know, while you're in college, the people you're gonna meet, the degree you're gonna get all the stuff. And then after a short amount of time, and probably around this time in this semester, especially for a freshman, it's like, oh, I.

I don't know as much as I thought I did, I don't know if I fit in here. I miss my old routine. I miss my [00:09:00] friends, I miss my family. Sometimes I don't think I miss my family, but, um, most, uh, I would guess most kids probably miss their family to some extent. Miss the friends that didn't come with them to school, I miss a significant other boyfriend, girlfriend, somebody that they left back at home or somebody that went to another school.

Okay. And there's just all of a sudden all this uncertainty. And if you think about it with a business or a job or a hobby in that part where you're learning all the stuff and it's hard and you still have to keep going anyway, or still have to keep practicing anyway, even though people might not like you or maybe it's you have to practice a lot and it's super hard or whatever it is, and in that middle time.

You start questioning yourself like, should I have decided to do this? Is this where I need to be? Is this the right person? Is this the right job? Is this the right career? Is [00:10:00] this the right, uh, school? Is this the right whatever? This is normal. This happens in every time. We do something new and we need to be okay with it.

We need to normalize it. We need to think about, oh, this is the time when the newness wears off and I really have to, you know, come to terms with everything that's happening right now and to not make it wrong or bad, or to make it true that we don't belong there or that we shouldn't be doing that thing.

Especially college, which is. Kind of what this episode is mostly about is the college. But think about it in every aspect of new that you've experienced.

So when I talked to my client this week about her messy middle, I said, okay, what's going on? And she said. Well, I was so excited to come because I have freedom. I'm [00:11:00] away from my parents. I can make my own decisions. I'm meeting new people and I'm, I pushed myself into this 'cause I want to do all these things.

I wanna meet new people. I wanna do hard things. But now I'm realizing it's like super hard and everything like questioning. Is this the right major? Is, are these classes too hard? I miss my family, I miss my friends my roommates, you know, like living with other people sometimes is a new experience and.

Her two roommates are going off the rails like really making some dangerous and sad decisions. And then she's sort of there as part of it and she doesn't agree with the stuff. Then she has to live with them and, you know, their ways of living aren't the way she does things. And then she [00:12:00] doesn't wanna say anything about it.

And she's trying to make friends in other areas in of her life that she does enjoy. But then, you know, when you're meeting new people and, and starting friendships, there's this awkwardness or uneasiness because it's like, okay, well like this person, but are they the right person? Or, you know, they're busy with their own lives and then we're not sure if we should.

Ask him to do certain things. And it's just the whole thing. And when you think about, especially for freshmen in college, absolutely everything about their life is different. They, they don't have the same routines. They're probably not sleeping enough because they're making the wrong decisions about how you know what things to do and staying up and not doing their homework or whatever.

And then. All the classes are new. All the people are new. [00:13:00] The living situation is new. The town is probably new. Even if kids stay home, that's still a lot of new stuff to contend with, and it doesn't mean that they need to come home. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong when they're feeling this way, but there are ways to normalize it and start talking about it.

And believing them when they say that all this stuff is hard and then just emotionally and physically, it's exhausting when you're thinking about all these things that are new and all these decisions are now on them, and it's just a lot. And so there are things that students can do. There are things that parents can do to make this mid-semester slump and it maybe happens every year, but it's especially.

I think crucial in the freshman year because it is just so much newness [00:14:00] that they don't experience as much newness as a sophomore and junior senior.

So here's what students can do. To help this messy middle. So first of all, it's just naming it. Oh, this is the messy middle. This is what. I knew to expect, and I think it's important that we tell our young people when they go off to college, you know, of course it's exciting and wonderful and we we're so glad that they're going.

We're so glad that they're taking that step, but we need to remind them that there is going to be this middle time where you're going to question all of it. And nothing has gone wrong when that time comes. So it's almost like anticipating that yes, there's gonna be a time and you may have that anomaly child who doesn't experience this, but I, I really think that almost everyone is gonna experience this and also talk to them about all the new things.

When you get your first job, you're gonna question it when you get. [00:15:00] When you choose anything, when you choose your life partner, you go, you're probably gonna second guess it for a minute. Like, these are normal things that our brain is doing really to protect us. You know, trying to help us look through all this, you know, is this the right decision?

Is this the right major? You know? And of course we need to look at those things and care about those kinds of decisions, but we don't need to just believe everything Our brain tells us that we're not. Cut out for it. We're not smart enough. We shouldn't be doing these things like give us some time. And that's the other thing, is to remind ourselves it's temporary to feel like that we're not always gonna feel awkward and out of sorts.

We're not always gonna be exhausted by every decision that comes our way because we, with all of that learning, we're gonna build our muscle of being able to make decisions better. Being able to get through those situations better because. We will have [00:16:00] experienced more adversity and questioning and confusing times, and then we're gonna be like, oh yeah, this is when that happens, and I'm totally fine and this is what I'm gonna do to help myself.

And maybe you need to put some routines back into your life, you know? I know that most of the time when we get that freedom away from our parents who probably made all of our routines for us, or the rules about what we should be doing, what if we decide to put some of those routines and rules back in?

Because those things actually give us some. Comfort, some boundaries to what we're doing and you know, having a bedtime or having a getup time or having a morning ritual that we do before we go to class, or having that nighttime ritual before we go to bed and putting some of that, those comforts back into.

What our life is like and knowing that it's gonna take time to make friends, and it's gonna take [00:17:00] time to feel comfortable as a a college student. And what are some things you can do to make yourself feel like a better student? What are some things you can do to make yourself feel like a better friend?

And when you're feeling like I don't fit in here, remind yourself. To look for the things that show and prove that you do fit in there. Because if we're thinking, well, I don't fit in here, then our brain is looking for all the obvi, like, oh, look there. That person didn't ask you to go with them. That's why you don't fit in here.

Your brain will look for all those reasons why you don't fit in. So when your brain says, oh, you don't fit in here. Say, okay, I'm today. I'm gonna look for every reason why I do fit in here, every reason why school is for me, every reason why this major is for me. And it doesn't mean that you won't change your major.

It doesn't mean that you won't change schools. It doesn't mean that some people aren't [00:18:00] really meant to be your friend. All of that's fine, but just allow yourself to really make a good decision about it instead of a snap decision because you feel like you don't fit in or feel like. It's not the right fit

and it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to find that the counseling center and on your campus. Those people are there to help you. It's okay to ask a professor for help. It's okay to ask your. Your dorm advisor for help. It's okay to ask your parents for help. It's okay. Um. To ask other kids on campus for help that you know, they're all experiencing the same thing.

They may not act like it or may not look like it, but they are experiencing it too. So open up conversations with people about, you know, do you feel lonely too? Does it feel awkward to make new friends? People are gonna be like yeah, and find those activities [00:19:00] where they're trying to help you make friends and help you find your place there.

You're going to find your group. You're gonna find your people. You just have to be like, okay, this is the time when it's hard to meet the new people and I'm gonna meet them and it's gonna be fine.

And parents, if you're listening to this and you're like, oh yes, my child's been calling me saying they wanna come home, or they don't fit in or crying about stuff. Just listen to them. Don't try to fix their problems. Just listen. Acknowledge. Oh, that sounds really hard. If you. Went to college then, you know, there was that time where you felt like you didn't fit in.

Say, I felt that exact same way. This is what I did. This is what was helpful. I even told my client this week that, yeah, I ran away when it was too hard and when I was scared. Now that wasn't the right decision and it's certainly one that I wish I would've done differently, but it didn't [00:20:00] derail that I got a degree.

I got a master's degree. I just. Maybe needed that break to figure out what do I truly want here? What is the most important thing? And I realized that school is more important to me than anything, and I'm gonna find a way to get that degree. And I can almost guarantee you that if you give your child that space to really think about it and not, and if they ask you for help and they say, give me advice, give me a direction, then do that.

But if they don't, they just wanna complain to you and they wanna. Vent that it's scary and sad and hard. Just listen to them and know that nothing has gone wrong. They're, they're not damaged, they're not necessarily gonna come home. Now maybe they'll come home for that break to really figure it out and, you know, be supportive and helpful with them, but also to let them off the hook.

Don't let them just [00:21:00] run away. That it was hard or that they thought they couldn't make it because we want them to work through the stuff that's hard. So maybe just talking to them about other things that have been hard for you, getting your first job or. Experiencing anything that's new and that messy middle where you're like, oh, I don't know if I should do this.

And just talk to them about how it's normal and that they're okay and that they're gonna figure it out, and that by March they're gonna be glad they stayed in school. It just doesn't feel good right now. But I also know that when I was that age, no one could have talked me out of my decision to come home.

And so. Don't, I wouldn't be like super mean with them if they're wanting to come home. Let them have the decision of that. Let them problem solve it, and if they ask for your help to problem solve it. Help them walk through the steps, [00:22:00] the pros and cons. You know, what is the pros of staying in school?

What's the cons of staying in school? What's the pros of, uh, coming home? What's the cons of coming home? Because there's pros and cons to everything, and their idea of those are probably different than yours. And I know there's a very scary part of, oh my gosh, what if they don't get a good degree? What if they never go back to school?

Just calm yourself. Just think through, okay, you know, how can I best support them right now as they're figuring this out? Because they will. They have to. This is their adult life, and they're not gonna wanna be with you forever. They're not gonna wanna do nothing. They're just scared. They're just confused.

They're just lonely. They're just making a billion decisions all at once that they've never had to do before. Just talk them through it. Let them. Um, figure [00:23:00] out some of those things on their own, but with support from you, especially if they ask for that support.

Also support them in connecting to things on the campus. When kids feel that they're connected and belong, they want to be there, and so maybe they just haven't explored. Enough ways to be connected. And if, again, ask them if they need help. And if they do need help, then you can help them find those supports on the campus, the groups, the activities, the have them, whatever they're really interested in and love.

Have them find people that are doing those things that they can connect with. And a lot of times it isn't the roommates, unfortunately. And sometimes it's people in their major, especially if that's the major they really are excited about. Uh, again, they might be in a major that they're not sure of and maybe won't stay in, and so maybe those people don't click with them very well.

The goal [00:24:00] isn't to make this painless or stress-free because there really isn't a way to do that. The goal is to help them build such resilience in these kinds of uncomfortable, awkward, lonely times that they can face those times every time it comes up, because it will happen again. Whether it's their first job, their first real relationship.

The first time they wanna try new things, that these things are gonna come up again. And if they don't know how to handle 'em, they won't be able to face those things either. So this is the time to build those strong skills in being able to work through that stuff and you can help 'em do that.

So if you're a freshman in college or really in any messy middle, and you're like, I wasn't cut out for this, just know that that's not true. You are wanting to go there and your being there right now means that [00:25:00] you are meant to be there. You just need to figure out what is the learning here? You know, is it just learning to get through awkward things?

Is it a learning that this isn't for me, this really isn't for me, and I just need to pivot to a different degree or a different major? Um, maybe this town isn't for me and I need to go to a different town. To experience college where this college isn't for me. Maybe it is too big. Maybe I need to find a smaller one.

Just really think about all the reasons why and don't just believe that you, you weren't made for it because you are.

Just remember, if you are a student or you are a parent. This moment does not define the rest of their life or the rest of your life if you're the student. This is just one of those things that we have to work through and nothing has gone wrong. You are totally fine. You are [00:26:00] going to figure this out.

It's temporary. You're gonna feel better later. And just, just be really open to all the options, all of the ideas. And don't believe your brain when it says that you shouldn't be there or you're not smart enough, or you're never gonna make any friends or whatever else it's telling you. 'cause those are all lies.

And if you wanna work with me to help you walk through all this stuff, talk through all of it. Remember I do one-to-one coaching with young people and college students are part of the young people. And if your college student just needs somebody to talk through all this stuff it fits totally in with my anxiety.

'cause it's an anxious thought. It's anxious things that are happening and. All the things that I teach will help them become resilient in these kinds of decisions that they have to make. And if you're a parent who needs support, I have a parent support community. And if you go to my website, it's under the tab, uh, parenting [00:27:00] Through the Maze, and you can read all about the things that we do in my parent community and you can get.

Court there. As a parent, sometimes I'm working with a client and the parents at the same time. Sometimes I'm just working with the client and not the parents. Sometimes I'm working with the parents and not the client, so it all the things work. Just go to my website. That's also how you can figure out how to get involved with me for one-to-one coaching for your young person or if you are a young person.

So I would love to help you through this. I've experienced it myself. My daughter also called me a lot during her freshman year. She didn't come home. Um, she ended up staying there all of her years and still lives in that town. But there was a time when she was calling me all the time saying, I hate this.

I hate my roommate. I hate the storm. I don't wanna do this. I don't think she ever felt like she couldn't handle it academic wise, but. The friend stuff was crazy. And really, I feel bad for [00:28:00] every person living in a dorm where you have to live with these people you don't know. And you know, they just have different living, living styles and you're just trying to do so many new things.

And that's just one more headache. And I finally just let her go to an apartment, I think at semester because I was just so tired of her hating the dorm. And sometimes schools don't allow that. Like you have to wait for the whole year. And I can't remember, maybe she waited the whole year. That part I don't remember, but I remember she went to an apartment and she was much happier after that.

So and the person that she, uh, lived with in the apartment. Of course they didn't always agree on certain things, but she was able to get away from that a little bit more. 'cause there was two bedrooms so she could go to her bedroom and it wasn't like they were just in one room. So sometimes it's just like a change of scenery, a change of of living arrangements.

You know, sometimes roommates or dorms don't work out. Who cares? If you can move, then move and don't make any of those [00:29:00] things a big deal. And I think that helped her to then stay because she was able to work out that one problem that she was having. And so, you know, just be there to listen and help 'em try to figure it out.

I just want you to know that you can figure this out. I know it doesn't feel like you're going to right now, but you can, whether you're the student or you're the parent, it is going to work out, I promise.