E 260 Are You Modeling Stress Drinking for Your Kids?

Have you ever joked, “I need a glass of wine after today”—without realizing your kids were listening? Stress and drinking are often paired in our culture, but what message does that send at home?

In this episode, I sit down with Adriana Cloud—a certified Gray Area Drinking coach, life coach, hypnotist, and host of the How to Drink Less podcast. After being a daily drinker for over a decade, Adriana quit in 2020 and now helps others create the sober—or sober-ish—life they truly want.

Together, we explore:
✔️ Why people turn to alcohol to manage anxiety
✔️ The difference between wanting a drink and needing one
✔️ How parents may unknowingly model stress-drinking for their kids
✔️ Healthier ways to cope with stress and build resilience

Whether you’re rethinking your own relationship with alcohol, or you’re considering the example you’re setting for your teens, this conversation is full of practical insight and encouragement.

🔗 Connect with Adriana Cloud:
Website: https://www.adrianacloud.com/

Podcast: How to Drink Less  https://www.adrianacloud.com/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adriana_cloud_/

✨ Don’t forget to follow and subscribe for more conversations that help parents and teens navigate anxiety, stress, and healthy living.

 Struggling with anxiety in your family? If anxiety is causing tension, fights, or disconnect in your home, you don’t have to face it alone. I help parents bring more peace, confidence, and connection to their families. Let’s talk—schedule a free consultation today or email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com

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Email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me: 785-380-2064
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Transcript

Cynthia: [00:00:00] Let me ask you something. Have you ever joked I need a glass of wine after today without really thinking about who's listening? Or maybe you've noticed how often stress and drinking are paired in movies, shows, or even everyday conversations. Today we're talking about that connection and unraveling it with someone who's walked the walk and now helps others do the same.

Meet Adriana Cloud. A certified gray area drinking coach, life coach, hypnotist, and the voice behind how to drink less podcast after being a daily drinker for over a decade. Adriana quit in 2020 and now helps others build the beautiful sober or sober ish life that they truly want. She brings practical neuroscience, powerful mindset coaching, [00:01:00] and deeply personal experience to this work, and I can't wait for you to hear her insights.

So whether you're a parent thinking about the messages that you're modeling at home, or someone who's ever used a drink to quiet anxiety, this conversation is for you. So welcome, Adriana. I'm so glad you're with us. 

Adriana Cloud: Thank you, Cynthia. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to talk about this topic, which I think we all have encountered.

We all have a relationship with alcohol, whatever that might look like, but I don't think very many of us really stop to think about what exactly that relationship is and what exactly we're modeling to the younger people around us. 

Cynthia: Oh, well that is. As I'm like introducing you, I'm thinking about, oh my gosh, you know, what have I said or done, you know, that has made this like a, but drinking is, is what you do to release anxiety or whatever, because I know that I gave that wrong [00:02:00] message, I'm sure to my kids, and I wanna be better about that.

So why are people using alcohol for anxiety? We probably could guess, but what, what would you say is why people are using that to alleviate their anxiety? 

Adriana Cloud: Well, actually the first reason I will say is because it's what's modeled for us because alcohol is everywhere around us. We live in a world where alcohol is just so normal and such a part of everyday life that we don't even question it, and we see other people around us drinking for various.

Reasons for various, just at the end of the day, at the end of a stressful day, and we say things like, oh, you look like you need a drink. And we see people in movies, as you said, people in movies are drinking. We, we read a book where someone at the end of a long day is unwinding with a glass of wine or.

People on holiday are enjoying cocktails, and that's what we see around us. And so the message we [00:03:00] pick up there is that, oh yeah, this is the normal thing that we do. And mm-hmm. When it comes to things like anxiety and stress and other challenging emotions, we turn to alcohol because. Alcohol works.

There's really no other way to say it, but the way that alcohol affects the body is that it slows down the nervous system, which means that if we're in a state of heightened emotion, if there's any kind of agitation of the nervous system when we consume alcohol. That slows down the nervous system, which means that the different parts of the brain, communication between them slows down, which has this effect of mild sedation basically.

And so we do immediately feel that calming effect and everything seems to slow down a little bit, and there's that mellow warmth that descends and permeates the body and our thoughts slow down. [00:04:00] If your mind was racing, when you have a drink, your thoughts seem to slow down, and things that felt really urgent a minute ago now suddenly feel a little bit more distant.

And so it does have this effect of calming us down. And so once you've tried that and you notice, oh yeah, this feels good when I drink, this helps me to slow down and relax and feel calmer. And so. Our brains are very quick learners, especially when there's a huge hit of dopamine that's released, which is what happens when we drink.

And so once we've experienced that positive emotion that's calming down and pleasant, joyful feeling, descending, the brain learns. Oh yeah. This is good. We should have more of this. So let's do this again. Next time we feel like this, let's ask for it again. So that's what we learned, that alcohol helps us to feel better, and so we repeat that pattern again and again until it becomes a habit.

That's really, that's the short answer. [00:05:00] 

Cynthia: Well, and then I was gonna say, and then when it's not so, so, you know, I think a lot of times people maybe get into drinking. And it's really light and fun and you know, they don't really see effects from it that much. But I'm guessing that like as you need more and more of this or this becomes more of a habit, that's when we start seeing the negative effects of that.

So what are some of the negative effects and how could someone who's listening like differentiate between, you know, I have some drinks and it's fine, or I think this might be a problem. 

Adriana Cloud: It's a great question, and as you might imagine, there isn't one clear cut answer that applies to everybody. And the question I would offer back for people to think about is.

Do I feel like I need a drink to get through something or to deal with something? Or is it just that I want a drink? Because it will feel nice. And to me it's that [00:06:00] difference between I want it and it will be fun, versus I need it and I'm going to struggle if I don't have it. And that line between the two.

It can be in different places for people. For some people, you know, one drink affects them very differently compared to other people who maybe don't even feel anything from one drink. And there are people who don't even drink every night. They might just drink occasionally, but then they might end up bingeing or they might still feel that if they've had a really difficult day or if there's a difficult emotion that they're dealing with that.

They can't do it unless they're drinking, and so that that dependence there where we feel like we're not okay unless we're drinking. That's the line where I would think if you find yourself in that place, it's maybe time to really take an honest look at your relationship with alcohol and to think about.

Is this the relationship I want [00:07:00] to have? Does it feel like I'm still in control? Or does it feel a little bit like I'm maybe losing control and the alcohol is controlling me where I don't feel like I really have a choice anymore, but it feels like I have to have it, or I'm going to struggle to get through the day?

Cynthia: Hmm. Well in the introduction, you know, it alludes to that you struggled with alcohol yourself and then you learned how to deal with this. And is that why you became a gray area drinking coach because you experienced all of that and you learned like how to do this or, uh, is there some other thing that, that went on to get you to be this coach?

Adriana Cloud: That's it really. I started out as a normal drinker, and for many years I would've identified as a normal drinker. But then what happens with alcohol is that over time, if we continue to consume it, we do need more because the body gets used to it and we develop a tolerance. And so we need more and [00:08:00] more in order to feel the same effects or to feel any effect really.

So I got to a point where I was drinking every night and I wasn't getting drunk every night, but I was drinking a few drinks every night. And I was noticing that I did start to have a bit of anxiety around just the thought of skipping a night. Mm-hmm. And that I was really spending a lot of time thinking about that nightly.

It was a fir at first it was a few glasses, and then at some point it was a nightly bottle of wine and. I never called myself an alcoholic, and I never called myself an addict, but I was drinking every night, and on the surface my life was okay. I had my job, I was paying my bills, like I wasn't falling into a ditch or anything.

Mm-hmm. And it just comes to show that we have this idea of what a problematic relationship with alcohol looks like, and we tend to think of that's the extreme of someone living on the street, drinking in the morning and this and that, and [00:09:00] that was not my story. But still, I had gotten to a point where I was drinking more than I wanted to be drinking, and I noticed that it wasn't even that it was affecting me so negatively, physically, but I just was thinking about it so much and I didn't like that I was becoming dependent on it and I felt like I needed it.

And so I started to try to cut back and to moderate. And in that process, recognized how much really. How much I was using it to numb certain emotions and how I didn't really know myself very well because I was just drinking, which meant that I was showing up a certain way, like alcohol was allowing me to show up in a certain way that wasn't necessarily me.

And so there was a process there of learning how to be present with myself, how to feel emotions including anxiety, loneliness. Anger, how to feel [00:10:00] all of these human emotions without a glass of wine or two or three. Mm-hmm. And how to be present with myself and develop a real emotional resilience. How to show up in relationships if we were not bonding over alcohol.

How do you. How do you show up for someone and how do you open up and be vulnerable? All of those things. And what happened is when I finally decided I don't want to drink anymore, I'm done with this, I, I was such a different person because in that process of getting to know myself, I had recognized that I was using alcohol to mask certain things that I really hate.

Should have looked at earlier in my life. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And when alcohol was removed, I finally had the presence and the energy and the stamina and the resilience to actually make some changes in my life. Mm-hmm. And through that work. My life became so much better once I quit drinking and I [00:11:00] wanted to help other people too.

And especially, you know, the gray area drinkers are those people who wouldn't call themselves alcoholics. They wouldn't need medical detox. They maybe aren't even drinking every night, but they are drinking regularly and they're noticing that it's not affecting them in a good way. And that's the population that I serve because I think a lot of people.

Don't feel like, you know, they haven't hit rock bottom. They don't necessarily want to go to AA alcoholics synonymous. Mm-hmm. Because they don't feel like that's where they belong. But they still need some help to kick this habit and to make some changes where they feel like they're in control. So, mm-hmm.

That's a very long answer, but yes, it is my personal story and I feel very. Deeply connected to this group of people who are just using alcohol as a coping mechanism for something that probably isn't working in their lives, and they don't really know how to cut back in a way that feels good and is sustainable.

Cynthia: That makes so much [00:12:00] sense. Two things came up to me while you were, um, explaining that when you were talking about like what feels like a, you know, a normal amount versus like, what's. Problematic. And I remember, well, I used to be a binge drinker way back, um, like high school time. And then in my early adulthood, I, I didn't, you know, I just drank on weekends, but then sometimes it was to black out drunk.

It wasn't just like, had a couple drinks or whatever. And it took me forever to figure out what's the amount where I can drink it and it's okay. Versus, oh, now I have no idea what's going on. And part of me thinking it was, nor like I didn't realize I was a binge drinker until way after I was not in that situation anymore.

And then I was looking back on it and I was like, oh my gosh, what was that about? And it was because everyone was doing that, that I wor that I was around. [00:13:00] Obviously not everyone was doing, but the people that I hung out with were doing that too. So it seemed like it was normal. And I didn't realize, I mean, I hated how I felt the next day, but I just thought, well, this is what people do.

'cause that's what everyone else is doing that I hang out with. And when I moved away from there, I remember thinking, oh my gosh, people don't drink like that. Like that's not what people typically do. And. It was so freeing for me to be able to be different and not worry about it. Now, if I would've been in that situation and then tried to change, I think it would be hard.

I don't, I'm sure it's not impossible to do, but did you notice a change in friend group or how people reacted when you were like, oh, I don't drink anymore or I don't wanna drink? Or was that something that happened? 

Adriana Cloud: Yeah, it's, it's very revealing what happens. Yes. When you, when you change your drinking habits to see what happens in your [00:14:00] friend group and, and yes, certain people.

I no longer hang out with, or I see them much less frequently because it turns out that the only thing we had in common was drinking. Yes. And, and with other people, we just now spend time doing different things, uh, because there was a deeper connection there. And we can easily go for a walk or you know, me during the day and spend time outside or just go to a restaurant and have dinner and not necessarily spend several hours in the bar.

So you start to recognize what were true connections and true friendships versus something that maybe it was just through circumstance or really the alcohol was the only thing we had in common and and you also get to notice how maybe you were drinking to tolerate certain situations and it was just, as you say, like that's what people do.

It's normal. You just go and hang out with these people every week and then suddenly it's like actually. [00:15:00] I think one hour is enough and I just wanna go home now and sit on my couch. Yes. And have a cup of tea and read my book. 

Cynthia: Right, exactly. Well, I was thinking too, like, so you know, I have a lot of parents that listen to this podcast and so if there are parents that you know wanna be social, regular drinkers having a good time, how can they do it and not give their children the wrong message about what drinking is or how you use alcohol or don't use alcohol?

Adriana Cloud: It is a great question for anyone to be asking themselves is, how am I using alcohol and do I like how I'm using alcohol? And again, like maybe thinking about do, do I want it? Like why do I want it? What is it giving me and is there, are there certain situations where I really feel like I need it and I won't be okay without it?

And so to think about, because we often say things like. I deserve a drink. Like, oh [00:16:00] gosh, I'm ready for a drink. Like after today. Yes, thank God it's Friday or it's five o'clock somewhere. Like these expressions that we just say mindlessly. And what is that model to the kids in our lives? It's that alcohol is how you deal with stress.

And alcohol signals the end of the day. And it's a reward for when you've done your work and now it's time to kick back and relax. And maybe we start to model that alcohol is the only way to relax. If we say things like, oh, mommy needs her wine, or It gets wine o'clock now to, to really think about. Are, are we showing, are, are we saying that this is the only thing that helps me to relax or this is the only way to have fun, or it's the only way to deal with stress versus Oh yeah.

It's just something we do every now and then, and it's, mm-hmm. It's okay to do that when it's intentional. And I think also to, to really think about. What are the [00:17:00] effects of alcohol after that? What happens? What happens later in the evening after you've had a couple of drinks? Like how do you show up then and do you like how you show up?

Mm-hmm. And how do you feel the next morning? And do you like that? Because we. Of course. So very human of us, we think about the short term reward. Oh, this drink will feel good right now. Like in the next 20 minutes I will have this feeling of relaxation and calm. And we rarely stop to think, okay, but how will I feel tomorrow morning if I have a second drink or a third drink?

Or sometimes even just the one drink and really affect some people quite a lot. Mm-hmm. So to zoom out a little bit and think about if I choose to drink right now. How will I feel tomorrow morning and what am I really, what am I really, how am I going to pay for this drink? Mm-hmm. Right. What will the effects tomorrow?

Cynthia: Yeah, that is so true. Like when I finally got out of the binge drinking thing and [00:18:00] was, you know, maybe drinking more socially or not hardly at all anymore, I was like, oh my gosh. All that time that was wasted. And I remember shame, you know, just like. Especially after a time where I didn't remember what happened and then people would say, oh my gosh, this happened.

That happened. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't show my face to these people. I can't go in this setting anymore. Whatever. And that's just horrifying to me now when I think about that. And I'm like so sad that, you know, that was ever something that I was choosing to do. But when you were talking about drinking to tolerate a situation, I didn't realize it at the time.

That was when I was married to my first husband, who I am not married to anymore. And I think sometimes when I think about it now, I think a lot of that over-drinking was, I am doing this to cover up that I hate what I'm doing. And it, it was when I [00:19:00] got out of that situation that I didn't. Drink anymore.

And it's like, it was so related, but I never realized it was related because other people were also drinking. So I just thought that's what I did. Now when I think about it, I'm like, oh, I think that's what it was really about. And yeah, and it does help you tolerate things that you shouldn't tolerate. And so, you know, maybe that's a reason in itself, like to really.

To finally get clear without alcohol, what does it feel like to live this life? And if there's a lot of things I don't like about it, then that's the part that I need to change, not drink. So I don't care about those things being a problem. Yeah. 

Adriana Cloud: Absolutely. Yes. And this is such a big part of the work I do with my clients is to recognize what role is alcohol playing?

Like what exactly are you getting out of it? Is it helping you to, escape something that you really should look at. Is [00:20:00] it, is it helping you to tolerate something that really you don't want to be tolerating and let's look at that. Or is it, is it the only source of joy in your life? Because that is the case for some people.

They are stuck in a job they don't like and a relationship they don't like. They are inspired by life and it feels like this is the only time I get for myself to do something pleasant in the day. If that's the case, then you really should be honest with yourself about that, and let's look at how can we bring more joy into your life so that you don't feel like what comes in a bottle with a cork is the only enjoyment you have in your life.

But really to bring some real fulfilling activities and to give you purpose and to make sure that you have other sources of joy and happiness in your life. 

Cynthia: Yeah. Um, well, how can people find you and what kinds of services are you, do you have that people can take advantage of if they really want to look at their lives, [00:21:00] look at their drinking and see what is the next step?

So I 

Adriana Cloud: would recommend that people check out my podcast. If this is a topic that's on your mind and you are thinking about your relationship with alcohol, that is a great place to start. So the podcast is called How to Drink Less, because again, I'm not here to tell anyone. You should never drink again.

Everyone gets to make the choice for themselves, and some of my clients just want to drink more mindfully. So it's not that we all should be sober. I've made that choice for myself, but I recognize that's not a choice for everybody and everyone gets to decide. But if you just want to be more mindful and to feel like you're in control, I recommend checking out the podcast.

And then the best place to. Read more about my work is on my website, so it's adriana cloud.com, which A-D-R-I-A-N-A-C-L-O-U d.com, which I'm sure you'll put in the show notes. 

Cynthia: I am am. 

Adriana Cloud: Yes. That is a great place to come and check out the kind of work I do and [00:22:00] yeah, just to read more about my story and the kinds of clients that I work with.

Cynthia: Mm, I love that so much. I know you don't work with teenagers, but you know parents that are concerned about maybe their teens drinking the same. Probably reasons why people drink as adults are the same reasons why teenagers drink. When I think about in my teen years when I started the binge drinking, it was, you know, feeling inadequate or not liking what was happening in my life, or, you know, I think I probably had a boyfriend then that probably wasn't the isst, you know, which would be, you know, another reason or, or, um, maybe I felt awkward or shy.

And if I drank. Then I would, you know, talk to more people or feel more free to do things. And so, you know, parents can be looking at that too. And. Trying to maybe talk to their teen about, you know, why is it that you're drinking? What are [00:23:00] you getting from it? Kind of the same things that you're talking about asking as an adult.

Teens could be asking those questions too, or the parents could ask their teens those questions. Like, what are you getting out of it? How do you feel the next day? Is this what you wanna keep doing? And I think that would be, um, a great conversation for them to have. And of course there are young people, teen treatments, you know, that.

They could check into if they think the routine is having trouble. I'm guessing you don't work with teens, is that correct? 

Adriana Cloud: That is correct. I don't work with teens, but there are people who work with teens. So there is, there is support out there. Yeah. And to your point, I will say. Yes, it's important to have these conversations and what I would say is just to normalize that all of these feelings and these situations that we drink to avoid and to numb, that they're so normal and everyone deals with them because yes, I.

People who are shy, people who have a bit of social anxiety, who maybe worry about, [00:24:00] am I, do I fit in? What do other people think about me? Like, are they looking at me? Are they judging me? That we all have a little bit of that. Mm-hmm. And that's okay. And to normalize that these feelings are so common and they're so normal and that there are other ways to deal with them and other ways to.

Calm down, the nervous system. Other ways to reassure yourself and other ways to practice compassion and kindness to yourself and to practice building up your own confidence so that you can choose for yourself and you don't feel like you're pressured to drink because just because all of your friends are drinking and that's what people are doing, but to really.

Just to be more intentional and to just to even have the conversation about the effects of alcohol, because I think sometimes too, there's just so little education around how alcohol affects the body, the mind, the emotions. Mm-hmm. The mood, hormones, all of it. And just even [00:25:00] to. Be open to having those conversations about what happens when we drink so that teenagers know what to expect and so that it's not a surprise.

I think that can go a long way too. 

Cynthia: Mm-hmm. Well, I remember, I think I was an adult before I learned that, you know, a glass wine, an ounce of alcohol, and a can of beer, or the same amount of alcohol, like I was always like. Thinking about it as the quantity, you know, like if I filled up a glass to the same level of all three of those kinds of alcohol, to me that would've been the same thing.

And it's so not the same thing. Right? And you know, if you're drinking a whole 12 ounces of a hard liquor, that's a lot of alcohol. That's a lot. And it's going to hurt you. In many ways. I mean, I was just as an adult when I would. Learn these things. I was like, oh my gosh, stuff that was so dangerous [00:26:00] that was going on because we didn't know anything.

We were just doing whatever. So I'm so glad that there are people like you out there educating and teaching how to go about this because, and I'd never heard of Gray area drinking before, but I feel like that's been, you know, where I was so much during that binge drinking time because I've never felt like.

I couldn't not drink, it's just that I was abusing alcohol when I was around it, or like when I during that time I was abusing it. It was just like I couldn't get enough of it during that one period of time. And then weeks could go by maybe, and then there was another one period of time. So, but I didn't even realize that that could also be a problem until later on.

So. I'm just glad that you're educating and helping people to see that. And I am gonna put all of your information in the show notes so people can connect with you, listen [00:27:00] to your podcast. I think it's all that is just, um, so important and I just appreciate you being a guest today. 

Adriana Cloud: Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you for allowing me to speak about this topic, which again, I think not enough of us are talking about more openly. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to share a little bit of my work. 

Cynthia: Yes. Well, thank you so much. I, I hadn't had this topic yet, so it was good. My pleasure. Thank you.