E 256 The Secret to Helping Teens Find the Right Career Path

 Is your teen overwhelmed by the question, “What do you want to do with your life?” You’re not alone—and you’re not powerless.

In this episode of The Teen Anxiety Maze, I talk with career guide and author Jay Dusold, who’s on a mission to help teens and young adults find their True Job Match—and ditch the anxiety and confusion that come with too many choices and too little clarity.

💬 We cover:

Why today’s teens feel paralyzed about career decisions

The hidden impact of “analysis paralysis” on young people

What really makes a career the right fit (spoiler: it's not just passion)

How to support your teen without accidentally adding pressure

A simple starting point for helping your teen feel capable and hopeful again

🔗 Download Jay’s FREE resource: Know Before You Go
Help your teen avoid wasted time and regretful choices.

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📲 Follow Jay Dusold:
Instagram – @lifeafter12th
YouTube – Life After Twelfth
TikTok – @lifeafter12th
LinkedIn – Jay Dusold

✨ Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe if you want more tools to help your teen manage anxiety, build confidence, and find direction.

 Struggling with anxiety in your family? If anxiety is causing tension, fights, or disconnect in your home, you don’t have to face it alone. I help parents bring more peace, confidence, and connection to their families. Let’s talk—schedule a free consultation today or email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com

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Text me: 785-380-2064
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Transcript

Cynthia: [00:00:00] Today's guest is on a mission To end the phrase, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Jay Dold is helping teens and 20 somethings cut through the noise, ditch career confusion, and find their true job match. He's a career guide. Author, motivational speaker, and basically your kid's GPS, when they feel totally lost in the world of work.

If your teen is stuck in the swirl of what now, or you are a parent pacing the kitchen, wondering or worried that they'll ever move out, this episode is for you. Jay, welcome to the Teen Anxiety Maze. 

Jay DuSold: Hi, Cynthia. It's so good to be here. I'm, I'm excited to spend some time with you and your audience today and, and thank you so much for the invite.

I really appreciate it. 

Cynthia: Sure. Well, I can tell you that working with teens and anxiety. That the intolerance [00:01:00] to uncertainty, meaning I don't know what I'm doing after this high school time, or I ev have even worked with college graduates who are still like, I don't know what's next. Um, this is a big thing.

So what is causing. Or what are you seeing as you work with clients? What, where is all this confusion and anxiety coming from? When it goes to what job, what college, what career is happening? 

Jay DuSold: Yeah, it's a great question and it is a prevalent issue with teens and 20 somethings. So I'm so glad you're focusing on this, and thank you for all the work that you do.

On the anxiety level, I know that, uh, this topic is very anxiety inducing. Both to the young person and then also to, to the parents. So I'm so glad that you are doing mm-hmm. What, what you're doing. Yeah. So, I, I think there are probably two primary causes of a lot of this confusion and the resulting angst.

So one is there's just an over [00:02:00] overwhelmingly, uh, uh, you know, vast amount of options to choose from, right? Mm-hmm. And so, uh, many people listening probably, uh, have heard the idea of. Uh, analysis paralysis. Mm-hmm. Which just simply means that contrary to what we might think, meaning, hey, the more choices we have, the more freedom that we have.

Studies have shown that the opposite is actually true. That the more choices we have, the less freedom we have and, and the more paralyzed we become because we're trying to analyze all of the options in order to make the best choice. Mm-hmm. And so with, with such a deluge of information coming at us. And the information that we need to consider to make that choice, it's overwhelming.

Mm-hmm. And what happens is we actually shut down and we avoid making the choice because we feel that overwhelm. Mm-hmm. So that, that's one option. And of course Cynthia, you know, every month we are adding new jobs, new industries are [00:03:00] creeping up because of technology. Right. Yeah. So we've got like whole entire career fields that didn't exist five years ago with a number of different positions and valid, fantastic jobs within those new categories.

And so it, the number of options to choose from is only increasing. So, so that, that's one is just, just so much, uh, overwhelm regarding the options. And then, um, the second thing, which is really the, the, the kind of the core of it is that young people don't understand. How they're designed for work. Mm-hmm.

And what facets of their innate wiring should they discover in order to then actually find something that matches. Mm-hmm. And so they don't know the categories of things that they should discover or even how to discover those so they don't, don't know who they are and they don't know, I call it their work shape, you know?

Mm-hmm. Like, uh, and I love using the analogy of that old, uh, it's been around for decades. It's that Tupperware toy. It's the plastic [00:04:00] sphere with the cutout shapes in it, and then the blocks. Uh, that's a great analogy for what's going on, right? There are so many cutouts, meaning positions, jobs out in the world of work, the sphere.

But young people don't know their shape. They don't know that color block. They don't know what shape they are, so therefore, they don't know which options would actually fit and be a great match for them. And so, th this is really the, the crux of it. Um, those two key issues. They don't understand their wiring and then they, they're just overwhelmed with so many options.

Cynthia: Well, how are you helping them figure out what this True Job match is? Because I'm so curious about it because, uh, I can see how confusing that is for them. And I, I talk to them about it all the time and I do a little bit of stuff in my program where they learn their strengths and values and skills and stuff, but I still see them at the end being like, okay, I still don't know what to do.

So how do you help them? 

Jay DuSold: Yeah, so I, I take two, two [00:05:00] different tracks. Um, one is like more like a job facts journey, and the other one is more like a job fits journey. So there are some young people who, who really feel strongly about what they want to do, and I say, great, you know, like, if you don't feel like you really have to understand yourself to make a match, you have some of that figured out.

Fantastic. That's great. Mm-hmm. Uh, what often happens though is that upon asking some basic questions, it becomes very apparent. That they don't know all the essential facts about that option that they're going to be pursuing. And so for some students, it's just a matter of empowering them and equipping them with a framework.

I call it the job research blueprint, and that's just saying, okay, great, you have an interest. You feel really strongly about, fantastic. Let's just make sure that you're making a well-informed decision because you're understanding the job in a holistic way, right? So there's nine critical things that they really should figure out and discover [00:06:00] before they make that decision to invest time, money, and effort.

Right. So, uh, I call it the guess and Go strategy. Most young people use the guess and go where they're like, well, I know that this job includes or involves a subject that I like or an activity that I enjoy. Mm-hmm. And based on that very limited amount of information, they make this huge decision. They start the preparation for it, and then as they're discovering more of the details, they're like, uhoh.

Mm-hmm. This, I didn't realize this part of it. Forget it. Right? And so, mm-hmm. The things that make them change their mind and regret their choice aren't deeply buried. Things that there's no way you could possibly discover until it's too late. Like we're talking surface level things that they could know from something like the job research blueprint tool, where they know, oh, I really need to discover this.

Before I make a decision. So that's one way I help some students. It's just empowering them with that framework. Mm-hmm. Um, [00:07:00] most of the clients that I work with, they, they don't even have that level of interest, like real strongly. And so that's matter of the, the, uh, fit finding, which is first really understanding the parts of their innate design that matter for matching.

Um, mm-hmm. And then the way that we go about that is not through questions and, and providing, you know, uh, uh, you know, responses and questions and answers. We actually have a method where we can inspect and analyze their patterned repeated behavior. And so what's really cool about that is we're not relying on their subjective self opinions, but we're actually analyzing them when they're in their sweet spot.

From times in their past, and we can see behavioral evidence that this is really who they are. You know? 'cause listen, we do it too there, there's, there's times that we answer those types of, um, you know, questionnaires. Mm-hmm. And we're [00:08:00] answering based on our envision. Self 

Cynthia: Right. How we want to be. 

Jay DuSold: Right.

Right. Not our actual self. And it's not even like ill intended, it's just Yeah. Studies have shown that people have a really hard time being super honest and objective when they're in those types of assessments. And so, uh, we kind of avoid all of that subjectivity. Mm-hmm. Because if a young person is putting in information in a tool that's supposed to help match.

And that information is really not them, then. Mm-hmm. The outcome is not going to be all that helpful. Um, right. So, so we make sure we, we, we, we actually focus in on the full breadth of what we need to know about the client, which is more than just aptitudes and interests. Mm-hmm. And the way that we do it is just to analyze their behavior so we see who they really are, not, not who they might think they are.

Cynthia: Right. Oh, that makes so much sense. I remember, uh, this when I was a school counselor, but at an IEP meeting, the student, [00:09:00] you know, we always say, what's your future goals? And, you know, we try to help him get there. And he said, I wanna be a YouTuber. Wow. That sounds, you know, a lot of it's a growing 

Jay DuSold: one. 

Cynthia: Yep.

And a lot of kids wanna be YouTubers and I get it. I a YouTuber in a way. 

Jay DuSold: Yes. You're, but 

Cynthia: I think that, you know, he wanted to, you know, make a million dollars or something and he just. He wasn't doing anything that would make me even, like, he wasn't even really making very many videos. He was just like, well, I wanna do that.

Jay DuSold: Yep. 

Cynthia: It's like, okay, well what, what do you know about making videos? Well, I don't know. And what, you know, what have you already started trying to do? Like if you looked at his behavior, the behavior would be No. This is not gonna work out because he is not doing anything. Like I would think if someone was a YouTuber or wanted to be a YouTuber, they would already have some interest or they would be playing around with that in their spare time and mm-hmm.

You know, just trying to figure out like, how do you create videos or how do you edit them? Something like that. And so this makes [00:10:00] so much sense to me. O other times there were kids that were like, I'm going to college, but they hated school and they refused to do any homework. And I was like, okay, well college is school 

Jay DuSold: kind of about that.

Yeah. Yeah. And 

Cynthia: you're gonna have homework and you're gonna have to do it. And they're like, oh no. You know, you just go there and you hang out with people. I don't know. But, um, I could not get some people to really understand that what your behavior is and what you're saying you want to do don't make sense.

So it seems like you're helping them see that. 

Jay DuSold: Yeah, we are. And, and there, you know, there are core behaviors that might not have a particular expression yet. In other words, it could be that someone who would be a fantastic YouTuber has a core set of base skills and interests and, and things that would apply to video.

They haven't yet applied it to video, but you could see the, the, the core traces of the key things that would make them a successful YouTuber because maybe they, [00:11:00] they've always done interviews, like they've always interviewing their family at holidays and trying to get the scoop and trying to, you know, dig into more information.

You're like, oh. So that's the key to being successful. They just haven't applied it to the medium of video yet. 

Cynthia: Right. Oh, okay. Yeah, so, 

Jay DuSold: so that's, that's what we're really doing. Um, we're really getting at those base things because let's face it, a lot of young people don't have lots of experience, and that's okay.

When we are able to find the base things, then we're able to say, okay, you haven't done this yet. But you have the base wiring that would actually be a great fit. It's, that's just the new context. Okay. I, I liken it to a food dish. Okay. A food dish is nothing more than a collection of individual ingredients.

That's all. A job is a job is just the collection of four basic ingredients. A set of skills apply to specific content in a setting, getting [00:12:00] a primary outcome, right? But each of those four things is a separate individual thing, right? And so you could see a young person's actual enjoy abilities. By examining times in their life when they're in their sweet spot and you see a pattern.

Mm-hmm. Right now, maybe an analytical ability has never been applied to a specific context, but if a job requires an analytical ability, they can do it because they have the base analytical ability, right? Mm-hmm. If they need to be in a particular environment that triggers and sustains their intrinsic motivation.

And you can see that, oh, this job option would actually put them in that environment. It will work. Do we need to know that they've been in that specific job yet? No, it doesn't matter because we can mm-hmm. Base issues that would indicate it's just more of the same, but in a different setting. And so it's very empowering because it's not even relying on the experience of, [00:13:00] of jobs for young people.

Mm-hmm. It's really analyzing them back from when they're children. And they're doing things like, oh, like I, I, I built an airplane in the second grade and, and it flew across the entire classroom. Like, that counts for some of my clients. And then, and then we're able to analyze what went into that, you know, and what, what were they working with?

What were the, what were the core skills that went into that? What was the environment like in which they accomplished that? Well, you get a dozen or so of those and you start seeing patterns. You start saying, oh my gosh. This young person always defaults to this handful of, of stuff to, to get things done.

Wow. Right. Yeah. So we can see the evidence of their wiring manifesting and coming out in other non job context. And once we capture it, then we can actually analyze it and then apply it to the future. So what is initially descriptive? Becomes [00:14:00] prescriptive. What we learn about, oh my gosh, our past, we can actually use to be a compass into the future.

And it's holistic, meaning it's not just their skills, it's these other critical areas that we can actually discover about their innate design. 

Cynthia: So this interviewing, I'm guessing, is how you're getting all this information. You're probably interviewing the teen or the young adult. Do you also then interview the parents to get their perspective of when they were seeing these glimmers of passion or you know, when they lost sense of time 'cause they were doing something?

Jay DuSold: No actually because it can contaminate the process. 

Cynthia: Okay. Yes, I was, because parents are part of what I wanna talk about today. So you only talked to the teen or the young adult about all these things and like what they can remember about these different times that they were so excited about stuff. So parents.

Very often, I mean, obviously I'm a parent and I want to help [00:15:00] my children do all the things, and I wanna get in there and problem solve with them, or sometimes for them because I think that they need something or whatever. But how can parent, how are parents getting in the way, like you said. If you interviewed them, it could contaminate the actual, um, what you're finding out.

So what are parents, what shouldn't be parents doing? What is getting in the way of their child finding this stuff out? 

Jay DuSold: Yeah, a few things. Um, number one, the biggest thing is expectations. Right. Mm-hmm. And so, um, and listen, I'm, I have a 27 and 25-year-old, two boys. Uh, you know, and I've, I've definitely at times have not done a good job at refraining from mm-hmm.

Imposing, you know, my plan for their life. Uh, yes. So I'm just saying it, whoever's listening, I'm saying this as a fellow struggler. In this area. Um, but what happens a lot of times is, listen, we, we panic. Like we wa This is how I got into this work. By the way, Cynthia, my oldest son, Justin, [00:16:00] in 2014, he was a junior in high school.

And I was like, oh my gosh. I'd had my own bad experience going to college, not knowing why I was there, pursuing a path, a crash and burn. I had a existential crisis. I was depressed, all that. I went through it. I went through the dark season. Uh, and then many years later I met that crossroads again, not with me, but now with my.

My son, and that's how I got into all this work. So I've been there as a parent. And so what happens is parents, you know, we want our kids to reach their full potential. We've seen how awesome they are, and we want them to find a place in the world of work that will allow them to really be that awesome person and also mm-hmm.

Get out of the basement, you know? Right. And, and become financially, you know, self-sustaining. Yes. And so we, we, we often make that choice, um, using a criteria that's not actually what's best for them, right? Mm-hmm. Maybe it's prestige, maybe it's money. Maybe it's, Hey, this, this field is very secure, you know, it's not going anywhere.

There's a lot of job security. [00:17:00] And those are all good reasons, like we're the parent, most parents are not doing it out of an ill-intentioned or hurtful purpose. Mm-hmm. Um, but the, the tho those are ultimately, actually not great reasons for direction. What is a, a, a great reason is. This is a great match for your wiring, and because it fits you holistically, it will result in success and motivation and happiness, which are the three pillars of a true match.

Mm-hmm. So parents just have to be careful that they're, they're just not superimposing their ideas of, of what would be a great option for them. And I always tell parents, just because your kid lacks a destination doesn't mean that yours is actually a good idea. You know, it's not like, oh, in the absence of one, well mine will do.

No, that's not true. Mm-hmm. That's how it works. Mm-hmm. So, and, and I always, I also tell parents, Cynthia, that, that, um, 'cause I've worked with parents and, and they will swear and, and, and they truly [00:18:00] believe this, and I think it's authentic. They'll say, oh, we don't, we don't, we don't have expectations for our kids.

Then I'll talk to the young person and they will s have a different story. But here's the deal. The parent truly did not do that explicitly. Mm-hmm. It's little things they say sometimes or completely misinterpreted things by their children. Mm-hmm. So I always tell the parent who says, oh, I don't have to listen to this part of the podcast because I don't, I don't do that.

I'd say, okay, if you don't communicate something that's clearly what you want. Do you communicate that there is that freedom? Right, because if you don't actively communicate the freedom regularly, the false assumption will be the default, which is my parents want me to do X, Y, and Z. And you might hear it as a parent down the road and be like, oh my gosh, I never thought that for a second.

And then [00:19:00] you realize it was the kids' interpretation. So yeah, it's great if you're not actively communicating what you want, but the flip side is are you communicating that they have the freedom? And if you're not, that's a great growth area. For any listening parent is, even if you think you are giving them the freedom to choose, make sure you tell them regularly, because if not, again, they'll just default into saying, well, I've, I bet mom and dad, they probably really want me going this path, so make sure we communicate frequently.

Cynthia: Oh my gosh, that's such a, I would've never thought of that. And I have grandkids now, so I, I know that I'm gonna start like, well, already my daughter has told me when I'm like, oh, I wonder. If Oliver's gonna play the guitar, I wonder if he's gonna dance. I wonder if he's gonna, you know, be a theater person.

And these are all things that we did, or you know, like things that I like or things that, you know, and she's like, mom. He can do whatever. And I'm like, well, I know he can totally do [00:20:00] whatever. Only we do these things, you know? And so I have to remind, 

Jay DuSold: well, it's even worse as a grandparent. You've got it even worse now, Cynthia.

You're in trouble. 

Cynthia: I know, I know. Because I really want him to have his, I want all of 'em to have their potential. That's great. So that's great. Um, yeah, so it's fun. But, so this, those are some things that parents should really be aware of, but what can they do even today to help their child start. Like figuring this out or not being as anxious about this job.

Career, college. Mm-hmm. Next step. 

Jay DuSold: So I, I think there are a few things. Number one is, you know, and there there's an, um, there's an ancient proverb. It's from, uh, Hebrew wisdom literature, and it says, life and death are in the power of the tongue. And man, I, I, I think that is so important and, and, you know, listening, parents might feel like, well, my kids are a little bit older.

I haven't had a meaningful influence in their life since they were 14. It might feel that way, but the reality is you do and take [00:21:00] advantage of it. So I always encourage parents start the starting point is affirming that your kid can be awesome somewhere. Affirm that. Affirm that. Speak it over them, what people call it, speaking a blessing over them, whatever language you want to use, but speak that positivity because it is true.

That's not wishful thinking. That's that, that's, that's true. There is a place in the world of work where they, they can be awesome somewhere. So yeah. Speak that to them. Remind them about that. Right now it, they might not feel it right now and they might have to do some work mm-hmm. To figure that out. But the truth is every person is designed to be awesome in several spots in the world of work.

Yeah. Not just one. Yeah. I always encourage parents, the powerful tongue, your mouth, the words that you form and, and release over your children is extremely powerful and it's simple. Start there and if you don't feel like you can speak the words. It's okay. Parents, you can cheat and text them. [00:22:00] You know, if you're like, I love it.

Oh, my kid would think That's so weird if I just said something. Okay, that's fine. I understand. Some, some relationships are there and that's okay. Uh, but you can text, you know, you can text and we won't think you chickened out. You can do the texting. That's fine. So I think that's, well it 

Cynthia: probably fits for them too 'cause they're used to that kind of communication.

Well, 

Jay DuSold: exactly. Yes. Exactly. Mm-hmm. So I think, I think that the words, affirmation and, and, and speaking a positive future is really important. Um, the second thing I think is. You know, if I, you know, I do a whole thing on this. I, I know I'm mindful of the clock here, but this is so important. So a lot of times parents, you know, they have a kid and the kid floats an idea, right?

Like, oh, I want to do whatever a u be a YouTuber. And right away, typically the parent knows, okay, this is a bad idea, right? Mm-hmm. And, and they're more than happy to let their child know that it's a bad idea. Yeah. Right. And so right away they come against their thing. Right. And give 'em all good reasons.

Uh, very few people actually, you know, make a [00:23:00] decent amount of money, you, whatever. Mm-hmm. 

Cynthia: Yeah. 

Jay DuSold: I always tell parents, run with the interest. 

Cynthia: Mm-hmm. 

Jay DuSold: Keep your mouth closed. Now you don't have to say, oh, that's a great idea, because it, it might not be. Mm-hmm. But you can say, I'm so glad you have a strong interest, right?

Mm-hmm. Now you're allowing them to maintain ownership of the idea, right? Mm-hmm. And this is the second point I'm making here is. Introduce the idea of thoroughly researching the job first, okay? Mm-hmm. So you're speaking the words, you're encouraging them. The next thing is be mindful to say in a very strategic, wise way.

I'm glad you had that interest. Do you know all that you should know about it, right? Mm-hmm. So don't stop the interest, because interest and ownership always results in three other qualities. There's motivation, there's effort, and there's initiative. So, mm-hmm. You want those three qualities to stay intact if they're [00:24:00] going to actually do the research that's necessary to get a holistic understanding of the job they're interested in pursuing.

Hmm. Okay. Don't ruin the power of the ownership work with it. Mm-hmm. So don't come against the idea, celebrate that they have an interest and say, oh, that's awesome. What, what, what do you think is important to know about that? Do you know the key factors that would be involved with that position? Do you know the income potential?

Uh, speaking of income potential, do you know what your envisioned lifestyle cost is? Because if not, you have no way to evaluate whether or not the potential income would be sufficient. Right. So 

Cynthia: yeah, 

Jay DuSold: you, you can, you can roll with the interest to move them into doing that exploration so they can then say, oh my gosh, like I, this is probably a terrible idea.

And in the parent, you're going, ding, ding, ding. Yep. I could have told you that. Yeah. But you wisely didn't because you got them. You empowered them [00:25:00] with a framework and, and staying with the ownership. And then the third thing real quick is just h help them do that discovery. Help them really explore when they were in their sweet spot, you know, what were they like, what were they doing?

What were they working with? You know, those four areas of the job, the skills, the sub subject matter, the setting, and the outcome. Use those four lenses to look back at those times, they're in their sweet spot and say, what are the things they're defaulting to all the time for skills? What are they constantly working with?

What are the qualities of the environment they're in when they're achieving? And what tends to be the thing that's always most satisfying when they do things in the past? Right? So use those four areas or categories as a lens. To look at the past things in their life and really help them start seeing how, how they're wired for work.

Cynthia: Yeah. Oh, I love that. Now you have a book that's not a book. 

Jay DuSold: Yes, that's true. And so 

Cynthia: tell us about that and how people can, um, [00:26:00] and just how they can get ahold of you, how they can work with you. Tell us all of those things. 

Jay DuSold: Yeah, sure. So, um, on most, uh, social media platforms, I am life after one, two, th life after 12.

So I'm on TikTok, I'm on Instagram, I'm on YouTube. Uh, that is the website. The web address is life after one two t.com. I'm on LinkedIn as J do. Sold. Uh, and please, yeah, you're, you're, you're, I'd love to connect with you on any of those socials. Uh, if you're really looking for like some of the coaching and to really get a solution sooner than later, the website, life after twelve.com, you can see both of the coaching programs, the, the, the Job Facts journey, and then the Job Fits Journey.

Um, and the book is on Amazon. It's called Know Before You Go, and this really focuses on the job facts. Side of the work I do. And it does introduce readers to that, those nine things, that job research blueprint, so they can actually learn what is that framework that I [00:27:00] can be applying as I'm thinking about jobs that interest me.

Cynthia: Oh, I love that so much. Well, of course I'm gonna put all the links to that and the show notes so people can just click and go and see what, what is all going on in your world. But I love, I'm trying to think. Maybe have that book. I can't remember if I got it when you were first. 'cause I've been following you for a long time.

So I'm gonna have to dig that out and look at it a little bit more because I, I can help, you know, talk to my clients about it too. Like, this is, that's cool. Yes, yes. These are important things that you need to, to know about because that is something that I deal with quite a bit in my, uh, journey. I am so glad that you're with us.

I, I think we're gonna have other connections at some point because this is just. Our, our ideas about what we're doing with kids are so connected. 

Jay DuSold: Yes, I agree. And 

Cynthia: I really wanna make sure that, um, people have. All my guests have been like, I want all parents to know there are so many adults in this world that can help you with everything.

[00:28:00] Like we do not have to do this parenting thing alone 'cause it is hard and confusing. And you know, once we get one thing figured out, then we have another thing we have to figure out. And so I want them to know that all these people are just out here waiting to, to help lead them in the next step. So thank you so much for being with us.

Jay DuSold: Yeah. Cynthia, thanks so much. It was a pleasure to be here and thanks again for, uh, giving me the opportunity to spend some time with your audience today. 

Cynthia: Yes, sure. Thank you. 

I.