Cynthia: [00:00:00] Well, hi everyone. I am so glad you're joining me today. I love when I have guests and I want to introduce you this week to Jesse Lebeau and he is a motivational speaker. He has a life coach program for teens. He also has a social emotional curriculum for schools and he, I'm, I would guess that most of his, a lot of his speaking is to schools, which is amazing and we'll have him tell us about that.
Also, he's been on TV, he's been on many podcasts, and he has all sorts of things to share with us today about anxiety and so much more. So Jesse, thank you so much for being with us
Jesse LeBeau: today. Thanks for having me. This is exciting.
Cynthia: Oh, well, we're excited to have you. So I think you have kind of a an interesting backstory about why you got into this work.
So tell us about
that.
Jesse LeBeau: Yeah, so when I was a youngster, I grew up on a little island in Alaska and. [00:01:00] I would tell you the name, but you've never heard of it. I can guarantee you the panic Island. Have you ever heard of panic Island? No, no one has on panic. It was just our little house surrounded by the woods, a couple other homes and some wild animals.
And so every day, just to get to school, I thought it was a totally normal thing to jump in a little boat. We called it a skiff and take it across. to town. So that's how my parents got to work. That's how I got to school each day in the snow, in the ice. It was an adventure. Every day was different than the one before.
Oh, wow. And town was like the big city and it was literally one road going each way, four stoplights and 15 miles of road and then a fence on either end. You are trapped there. So for all of those reasons, there was a lot of issues in our little town in Alaska where it's dark. Most of the time as well, right?
There was drugs, there was alcohol, depression, stress, anxiety, [00:02:00] all the mental health, you know, check all of those boxes. But the biggest thing for me is that I felt lonely. And I felt isolated in this little place and like I wasn't connected with the rest of the world and I had just one little dream. And that was that I wanted to be a basketball player like my older brother.
I wanted to go to college. I want to get a scholarship and I eventually wanted to get paid to play basketball. But there was one big problem and the big problem was, and you can't tell this cause I'm sitting down right now, but I was smaller than all the other kids by far, all the girls were taller than me.
And so when I shared, Hey, I have this dream of being a basketball player. People were not very supportive. And by. Not supportive. I mean, downright nasty. You know, they bullied me. They told me I wasn't big enough. I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. And I'd never have what it takes to make it [00:03:00] as a basketball player.
And I remember this one particular incident where basically at lunch, I jumped up to get this rebound, the ball bounced in the room in my direction and I was going for it. But what I didn't realize Was that behind me was the eighth grader that went by the name storm and Norman. And he was huge and he just snatched that ball away.
Didn't have to jump. And I was terrified because I didn't see this huge man, beast, boy, child behind me, and he looked down at me and he kind of laughed and I looked up at him and I remember exactly what he said to this day. He goes, it was, it was a funny moment. Stormy Norman looking down at me and he goes, what are you going to be when you grow up a pony writer?
And I didn't know exactly what that meant. And about a minute went by and I realized. He was saying I'm so little, I wasn't [00:04:00] big enough to be a horse jockey, but the only thing I'm able to do was to ride ponies to be a pony boy, which in hindsight was actually a pretty like clever thing for an eighth grader to think of.
I don't know if he came up with that on his own, but at that moment, I was absolutely crushed. I remember exactly how I felt. I was angry. I was embarrassed and more than anything, I just wanted to disappear. And it was in that moment that I realized I had two choices. I could get better, or I could get better.
I could go along letting people like Storm and Norman dictate what my life was going to be. I was going to be scared of going after my dreams and goals. I was going to be riddled with stress and anxiety and all of these things that I didn't want to deal with, or I could stop worrying so much about what everyone else thought about me.
And I could make the decision to take 100 percent ownership for my life and create the life [00:05:00] that I wanted. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Was this moment I like to call my team up moment and my life totally spiraled in another direction. So I decided, you know what, I'm going to become great at basketball. And I found a great group of people that I could spend time around that became my tribe and my community that helped me not be lonely and disconnected.
Like so many kids feel today. And I, it became basketball crazy. I'd get up at five. I'd go across in that boat. I'd walk up to school. The janitor, his name was Larry. He'd opened the gym and practice hour after hour after hour. And people thought I was nuts. They thought I was crazy and they were right. I was always carrying this basketball around, pulling it out the car window in between classes, up the ramps on the docks.
But I realized at a really young age that if I wasted all my time worrying about what everyone else thought about. Me that I'd never get what I wanted out of my own life. And that's led me to this quote that I love so much. And it goes, [00:06:00] one man thought he could, one man thought he couldn't. They both were right.
One man thought they could one man or woman that they couldn't. They both were right. And that completely changed my life. And from there to fast forward and make a long story short, I was able to use basketball to play in high school and have a good career and get my college education paid for get a scholarship.
And eventually I broke into the entertainment industry and commercials and movies and TV shows because I could do basketball tricks and it was, I also, I looked younger. So I was playing high school basketball players well into my late twenties. And that was a thing that most people would see as a weakness that I was smaller when I looked younger, but it actually was a thing that got me on the big screen with Kobe.
It got me in a movie with Kevin Durant. It got me to spend a day having Heidi. clume hand feed cheeseburgers to me for Carl's Jr. Like all of these crazy things, TV [00:07:00] shows, a spinoff of Saved by the Bell, traveling the world, playing with my idol Alan Iverson, being his teammate, all of these things happened.
Because of basketball. The thing I was told my whole life. I wasn't supposed to be able to do. So anyone who's listened to this, whether young, old dealing with anxiety, whatever that thing is, that struggle, that thing that you consider your underdog, you have the decision You can make it be something that ails you forever, or you can pivot and go, you know what, I'm going to turn this thing that's my weakness into my strength.
And that is a challenge. And that's something that I challenge each person here listening to go for because life is so short and you don't deserve anything less than just every bit of happiness, hopefulness, and fulfillment that you deserve. Oh, I
Cynthia: love that. So you were in kind of a small town, you know, it's, you said it was like, it seemed like the big city cause you're coming from this remote Highland, but you know, [00:08:00] how did you find your people?
Cause I came from a small town and I was kind of a little bit different and didn't follow the norms and all of those things. And it was hard for me. I mean, I had a pretty good core group of kids that were my friends, but it was hard for me to find a group that really would. Boost me up and rally around me.
So how did you find
Jesse LeBeau: them? Awesome question. Yeah, that can be a difficult thing. And I find it so funny today. Everyone's got a phone and is on social media and we're the most connected we've ever been in the history of the world. Right. And I'd be curious to hear if you feel the same way in what you're finding with the kids that you work with and the families that are around you.
It seems like kids are more disconnected than they've ever been. Do you find that to be
Cynthia: true in your work? Totally. Yes. And I think it's because we've lost the face to face skills that that are really the most important. It's fun to connect on social media, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
But you [00:09:00] have to have a good mix of the in person stuff that goes on, which is totally different than how you talk to people on a social media or on some kind of device. And I think we're missing that, that face to face piece.
Jesse LeBeau: Yeah, 100 percent there is an absolute epidemic of loneliness and I can totally relate to it because that's what I felt when that story I just shared in Alaska, I felt lonely until I found that group to team up with.
And so if you're someone who's listening to this and you find yourself feeling lonely, you feeling like you aren't connecting with other people, two things, one, That's okay. You aren't alone. And number two, there's hope and you can make that decision to team up. And it's exactly what you said. Find your group, find your tribe, find that community that you can be a part of in person, not through a phone screen, not through an iPad, but actually in person that you can grow with, that you can build with, [00:10:00] that you can celebrate each other's wins.
And you could be there for each other when you're going through hard times because the quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships and who you choose to do life with. I don't care what you look like, where you're from, what color your skin is, how much money you do or don't have.
You are hardwired in your DNA to connect with other people, not through video games, which some people will try to argue with me. That's great. And it has its place in moderation, but people are desperately. People are struggling with anxiety, with stress, with depression. You need that in person connection.
So to, to, to answer your question, I really think you have to find what are those things that you enjoy that you can do. So for me in Alaska, it was a pretty traditional one. Basketball was the biggest sport cause it's cold and dark outside and it was what my brother was into. So it was not as difficult.
Today, [00:11:00] there's more options. You could be into a sport. It could be banned. It could be an after school thing. It could be the youth group. It could be volunteering in your community, but find something. And if you don't know what that is, try a few different things. Well, what is going on in my community, big or small, that I could be a part of?
What programs do they have at school? What sport? Or activity. Have I always wanted to try, but I haven't. And then go do it. And if that scares you, because you're someone who struggles with anxiety, which it should probably will, and it should just about everyone good. You're supposed to do things that scare you.
You're supposed to do things that you don't like doing. I always have fun with this, with people I've talked to of like, Oh, I don't want to go to school. I don't want to do these things and go good. Get used to it. Do you know how much of my day is doing things that I don't want to do? Almost all of it. I don't want to get up at the time that I want to get up, that I have to get up.[00:12:00]
I don't want to have to exercise in the way that I do. I don't want to jump in a cold punch. Okay. I don't necessarily have to do that one, but it's another thing that's. Out of my comfort zone. So I forced myself to do it more than the physical things. It's the mental. I don't want to meet with people half the time.
I don't want to do things all day long, but I'm an adult and I have to, so it's good preparation for life. Right. So, so, so find that thing. And if it absolutely terrifies you find a buddy that you can invite to do that thing for you. With you. And if you don't have a buddy, that's okay. You aren't alone.
There's a lot of people that I talk to every week in that situation. When you go to one of these places, guess what? You're going to find a bunch of potential buddies. So once you do it, you analyze it and then you find out why do I want to be a part of this group? Why is this my tribe? Why is this my community?
Is it because I'm looking for friends? Is it because I'm looking for people that can push me to get better grades or get in better shape or into a college or into a career? [00:13:00] Is it networking? Is it, these people just make me laugh? Find the why and the reason behind it, because then you can go and you can analyze it and you go, yep, that's it.
This is what I did. It met that. Why? I want to keep this going. And then it's your duty as a leader, which everyone should be aspiring to be listening to this to go and tell other people and invite them because wouldn't have been less scary for you if someone reached out their hand and said, Hey, come be a part of this.
We'd love to have you be there. So it's just like a friendship. Be the person and show up As what you're looking for. And when you lead and you're that person, those other people tend to show up for you. So that's how I would recommend. So when teams up and finds their group in their community and their tribe, which everyone needs to do.
Yeah.
Cynthia: Oh, I so agree with that. I love that. You said good. I'm glad that, you know, you don't want to go there because you're going to have to learn how to do things you don't want to do. That's exactly what I used to tell my kids when they came to my office and said they [00:14:00] hated school or they didn't want to do this or that or whatever.
And I'm like, you know what? I do tons of things I don't want to do. And the secret to a successful adult life is learning how to do things you don't want to do and making yourself do them anyway. So that's so perfect. And I said, school is the perfect place to learn that you're going to do a lot of stuff at school you don't want to do, and you're going to learn how to do that so that you can be a successful adult.
So that's so fun. You're the first person that has said it back to me in one of these Situation. So I'm like, Oh, somebody else is thinking it about. Isn't
Jesse LeBeau: that great. When someone like has some parallel thinking at schools or, or with parents a lot of times. And you're like, yeah, that's what I've been telling them.
And it just kind of confirms that like, yeah, I'm not a crazy person. Like this is, this is right. And this is true. Right. There's one other crazy person.
Cynthia: Well, trying to force kids to like school or like homework or like studying or whatever, you know, they're not going to. And so I just wanted to find something that would make the [00:15:00] most sense to them.
Like, well, this is why you need to do it because you're going to learn how to do things that you don't want to do. So there was something else that I wanted to ask you about. I think it was like, so. I know a lot of kids that are bullied or they feel like they don't fit in or people don't like them or whatever.
And you said when this boy said this to you, you just knew right away I can choose to do, you know, what he says and be the person he thinks I am, or I can choose to create my own life. Do you, can you pinpoint what that was about you that maybe, cause some other kids that I deal with would just be like, Oh, I guess I'm nobody, I guess.
I'll never be anything. And they would believe that story. So what, what do you think it was about you that you did not believe the story of what someone tells you you
Jesse LeBeau: are? Great question. So it really does come down to. Your decision, right? You have the ability and free choice [00:16:00] to do those things. And for some people that will be easier.
And for some people that will be harder. That's just the reality. Some people are better at being comfortable in uncomfortable situations because I had an older brother who modeled going after being a basketball player. I kind of mirrored that in my own life. So. And I think this shows up in a lot of people who are smaller in height is they have a little bit of the chip on their shoulder and they want to prove other people wrong.
And I got really far doing that. And when I got there, I wasn't always fulfilled. And I learned later that you have to do things because you want to do them and to do it, to prove the people that support you. Right. As opposed to like trying to show all these people like, Oh, look what I'm going to do. But there's nothing wrong with.
Letting that add some fuel to your fire. Sure. So I also give a lot of credit to my parents who were supportive in different times of my [00:17:00] life and my dad always taught me lessons and one of the biggest one through sports was the power of your attitude. What I mean by that is we would go watch the older kids in baseball and basketball.
And we didn't watch the game in the way that other people watch the game. It wasn't about who won or who lost. We'd watch the best players and we'd see how did they respond when things went their way and how did they respond when things didn't go their way. Because when you hit the game winning hit, when you hit the game winning shot, when you make an unbelievable play, it's easy to have a good attitude.
Right. But what happens when you drop the pass? When you miss the shot, do you blame the umpire or the referee? Do you throw your bat? Do you yell at your teammates? Do you walk off the field or do you hustle and have a good attitude during that difficult time? And And that shows what kind of character you're made of and how you're going to do in life.
[00:18:00] And that's all sports is meant to be is to teach us how to win at the most important game. And that's life because so few people go on to be professional athletes, even though every parent and kid thinks that it's going to be them or their kid. It's a really small percentage, but so many people miss that.
those bigger lessons. So that was a huge leg up for me. And if a kid finds themselves in that situation, it's hard because I've talked to parents just this week. We're like, Oh, she, my daughter, she has a beautiful singing voice, but she compares herself to Taylor Swift and says she has no shot to make it.
It's like, well, Hey, you're kind of comparing yourself to the biggest superstar that took over the NFL this season. Hey, maybe it's okay if you're not as good as her at age 13 and maybe you're even better than she was when she was that age. Who knows? Right. We can't compare our journey and where we're at now with other people's [00:19:00] journeys and where they're at.
At the same time, or even at different times, so that that's the thing I see so much with kids is they compare themselves to other people. And they're so worried that other people are talking and thinking about them when the reality is, maybe they are a little bit. But most of the time, those people over there are worried about what you're thinking about them.
Yeah. And everyone's just going around in this little narcissistic loop of worrying about everyone else when they're really just worrying about themselves. Right. So if you can break through that and the best thing to help someone is to get confidence and confidence can't be given from you or me. It can't be given from their parents, their teacher.
They have to earn it. By accomplishing things and getting small wins. So it's like, Hey, this person said I couldn't do something. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling bullied. I don't like the situation. That's okay. Just focus on getting through this conversation or [00:20:00] this zoom call or this meeting or today or this week and rack up consistent, consecutive small wins.
And then you'll find over time, they get bigger and bigger and you start to Oh, like I, I got in slam magazine with a number of years ago, which was like the coolest magazine ever that I looked up to. And I never thought I'd be in there. And then once I got in there, I was like, well, why, why couldn't I be on good morning America or the today show or some big publication?
Like if I could do this. I could certainly do those other things, but you kind of have limiting beliefs until you start to just get those small wins and they can be the smallest thing. And I've been right there with it of like, today is jam packed. Like we were talking earlier, you have a jam packed day.
It could get overwhelming. It could get anxious. Like, Oh, I got to do this and that. And that, let's just have the best time we can right now. Take a deep breath, smile, get to know someone else, have fun and know that everything is going to be okay. And then [00:21:00] when I get done with this, then I'll deal with that next thing.
But right now I'm just going to deal with the one thing at a time.
Cynthia: Yeah. I love that. And that is definitely, again, the advice that I give so many of my teens that we do that confidence can be built by doing those things and getting out there and doing stuff. One of the things I thought about when you were saying you know, find that group, you know, and if you don't already have the group, look around and see what's available.
But I was thinking another thing you could do is create your own group. Like if you really like a certain book or a certain game or something and other people aren't doing it, you know, start it and invite some people to come with you to start this new club or this new get together where people are doing certain things and you can meet people that way.
I had a student that He wanted to put more stuff on his resume because he wanted to go to some big wig school and he wasn't into sports. He wasn't good at them and he didn't really like them and he told [00:22:00] me I'm thinking about adding a sport to my resume and I was like, well What sport would you choose because I knew he didn't like any of them and he wasn't you know By the time you're in high school at the high school I worked at you had to be pretty good to be on the team and he'd never even tried it but And so finally I said, I wouldn't add a sport just to put something on your resume, choose something that really means something to you and be the leader of it or, you know, start something.
So he started, he loved chess and he started a young person's chess league tournament system where he was not only the chess coach for the little kids as they were coming up learning about chess, but he set up the tournaments for them to go to on weekends and was like, sort of like this moderator of chess.
This chess, this kid's chess tournament, it was amazing. And so he just needed to get outside and think about, okay, well, what could I do that really speaks to me? Not just pick something because other people are doing it, but that I really like, and we'll show that I'm a leader [00:23:00] in creating this tournament system and coaching these kids.
Jesse LeBeau: So it was perfect. I love that. Yeah, that's so good. And there's so many more options today. There's things that kids are doing that I've never even heard of. And you're like, Wow. That's really awesome. You don't just have to do one of these. Like my thing was like a pretty traditional mainstream thing. And that's what we had, but now you have that variety and you could connect with other people.
And so I love that advice of, Hey, if that thing isn't there, find it and create it. Yeah. A lot of times when kids step into that leadership role, they absolutely just shine. I've seen it transform kids life. Literally these programs and schools where they just have them play games and understand the rules at recess.
So they have a lot of problems at recess and then they teach them, hey, let's actually learn. What are the actual rules for four square and some of these different games, right? And then let's have someone be the leader who teaches it a student. And some of these kids have gone from just barely being able to get by [00:24:00] to all of a sudden, man, at recess, they got the whistle and they're in charge and they step up and just develop and their lives really turn around.
So I think for people that do that, they're going to see even, even bigger results when it comes to like, you know, it turns out I actually, Like connecting with people and that thing I was anxious about is like, actually like, you know what, maybe I like to do it in doses. Maybe I like to do it in a, in a specific environment with specific people, but I actually do really enjoy it for that time.
And I do feel better after going in and that's why people are a part of these social things.
Cynthia: Yeah, definitely. Well, Jesse, tell my audience how they can get in touch with you, see what you do what you offer on your website. Tell us about that.
Jesse LeBeau: Yeah. So I'm easy to find online. It's just my name at Jesse Lebeau and Lebeau is L E B E A U.
French, I guess I, I got a French French name. And the best place for a parent to go is our site, theattitudeadvantage. [00:25:00] com slash Welcome. And there you can subscribe to our podcast. You can join our Facebook group where we go live and answer questions every week. You can check out the school programs, the speaking schedule, a call with me.
If you want to yell at me and, and tell me you don't like who I'm interviewing on the podcast, which was a funny email we got yesterday and had a good, a good chuckle about, do you ever get emails like that saying like, Hey I don't like who you're interviewing, or you need to do more of people like this.
Cynthia: I haven't had any of that. One time somebody told me I gave too much information about a student, but I totally didn't because just because I told their story doesn't mean somebody could figure out who it was. So that was the only kind of, they were like, well, that poor child, you know, you told everything about him, but I'm like, Well, I'm talking to the world about a one person's particular situation.
I was like,
Jesse LeBeau: okay, people are pretty funny. Yeah. I had one [00:26:00] yesterday and it was like, you need to do more women. And And we were laughing because she was on the wrong website. And, and we have I've actually done more with women than men. So then I'm like, so do you want me to do more men to balance it out?
Or how should we do this here? Well, we didn't say that, but people are kind of funny. Like, well, it sounds like you should start a podcast and go interview the people that you want. Cause you've got a pretty good vision. And then maybe I'll give you some suggestions. Yeah, exactly. Oh, maybe we're too connected.
Cynthia: Sometimes it does seem like that. We, people have a lot of opinions about
Jesse LeBeau: things and boundaries and systems to bring this full circle is so important system and boundaries so that you can keep your sanity. I think that's important for all of us.
Cynthia: Oh, I think so too. I'm so glad you were a guest for us today and that we learned more about you and hopefully we'll, we'll see more about what you're doing and my audience will go find out.
I'm going to put all your stuff in my show notes so they can go click on it if they want to [00:27:00] or however. So yeah, I know it's exciting. So thank you so much. I'm so glad you were with us. This was
Jesse LeBeau: awesome. Alrighty. We'll catch you next time. Okay. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.