[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. I have a lot of clients and parents ask me about some really quick things they can do to help their anxiety. And I was in a business group where people were being coached at one time. And this System that the four ends were brought up for mindset about what this particular coach was going through and I really loved it.
I wrote down everything that the coach was saying about these four ends and I thought this is going to be perfect. To teach my clients and my audience about how to have like a quick thing you can do when you need to kind of change your mindset or kind of change how you're feeling because anxiety, almost everyone's.
Anxiety is coming from something they're thinking and when they're thinking that it creates [00:01:00] anxiety in their body and then a lot of times they don't realize all that's happening and they don't know what to do about it. So I'm going to teach you the 4 N's today about N as in Nancy. I know when you're listening, sometimes it's hard to know what.
Letter, I'm saying, and this way, this is something that you can use whenever you're experiencing some uncomfortable emotions. And it's, it's like a way for you to remember what are the different things that you can do in those situations. So the first N is notice, and that just means that you are going to notice what you're thinking and you're going to notice what you're feeling inside your body.
So I already have my clients do this. This is some of the very first things that we do in the program, the Anxiety Maze Navigator, because we have to be aware of what's going on before [00:02:00] we can start working on it. So, with thoughts, to be, start to become aware of what we're thinking, we can just do a thought download every day.
And I think I talked about that on episode number two, and we're on episode 182. So this is something I've been doing. With myself and with my clients for a really long time, but a thought download is just setting a timer for five minutes and just writing everything down. Just taking everything from your brain.
And just like, if you download a document from the Internet, you're going to download your thoughts onto a piece of paper and you're going to just be able to look at them. And then from that download, and if you're doing one of those every day, you're going to be able to start recognizing patterns of thoughts.
Where does my mind, what does my mind typically get anxious about? You know, what are the scenarios? What is it usually saying? And then you can start [00:03:00] figuring out, okay, that's kind of where my. Anxiety is, and I actually do some quizzes with my clients where I kind of figure out what mindset is really the main creator of anxiety.
For an example, a lot of my clients might find that perfectionism is one of their mindsets, but perfectionism is not one of my mindsets. Thank goodness. So I'd never be able to do this video. Or this podcast because I'd be too worried about it being perfect, or it would be hard for harder for me because I'd have to push through really trying to make it perfect, which, thank goodness, I don't care about.
Well, I, I guess I care about it being good. I just don't care about it being perfect. And then also I. So in my program, I was having my clients kind of, there was like, I just had an outline of a body and I would just tell them, where do you feel that feeling? So if you're feeling anxious, where does it go in your body?
Or you can do this with [00:04:00] any emotion, you know, when you're feeling something, what parts of your body, where do you feel sensations, tingling, tightness, pain nausea, you know, all these different things. And This program that I'm, I'm, I'm watching this I think she's a psychiatrist, but she also does like a lot of research and stuff, but she's teaching about neuroscience to educators and I'm, I've been following some of her teachings because it's so fascinating to me and she works in schools one day a week to try to teach this very kind of neuroscience stuff to students and she has a picture Sure.
Of ands and they call it ands and a N a N is a Nancy s stands for the autonomic nervous system, but they have this cartoon character that they've created. That's a brain with like eyeballs and a nose and mouth ears, then a spinal [00:05:00] column. And then the nerves are going out to the hands and feet. And so it looks like a person, but it's just the nerves and how the brain is connected to the nerves and the, and the sense organs.
And then when Stu, well, I think every day they just ask kids, you know, how, how are you feeling inside of your body? And kids can draw on this character and they can draw things like showing, you know, take a crayon and draw red on their ears. Their ears are burning. Or one student had drawn like these swirly lines on their legs because they had all this like energy.
They wanted to be moving around. Somebody drew like red fire on their hands because their hands either felt tingly or they felt hot. Somebody, I think had, you know, drawn something around their heart showing that their heart was racing. And so it's really good to start teaching as young as you can about how feelings [00:06:00] feel inside of our bodies and then start connecting, Oh, this feeling is connect or this sensation and my body is connected to this emotion.
And that emotion is connected to these thoughts. And that's what I do my clients about like, what does it feel like? What is this emotion? And then what thoughts are you thinking that created all of these feelings? So it's good to get all that connected. So all that to say, that's the first in notice, you're going to become aware of what's going on in your body and what thoughts are connected to that.
And when you're doing that, you're kind of like an investigator. You're just. Figuring out the clues of the case. You're just figuring out what are the clues in my body. What do they feel like? And what are the clues, the thought clues about how all this was created and this, none of this is mean or judgmental towards yourself.
It's just. Being curious about why or what or [00:07:00] how, you know, like what are all these things that are going on? So the second N is to normalize. And I don't like the word normal. And I talked about that, I think back in episodes nine, where what is normal? There is no such thing as a normal. Person has different sensations, different reasons why they have those sensations, different thoughts about things different sizes and shapes, and all of it is typical.
It's just regular. So I, I will use the word normalize because. I just mean, make it regular, make it typical. Don't make it like, Oh, there's something wrong with me or why do I always have these problems or whatever, or I'm damaged in some way or whatever. All of these sensations we have in our bodies and all of these thoughts that we have are everyone has them at some point.
Now, some people's have a more, some people have a less, some people. Get paralyzed by him. Some [00:08:00] people don't pay any attention to him. It's all, all of that. Those are the different variations of what can happen, but these thoughts and, and feelings and sensations in our body are just typical things that every single person who is a human would experience.
So every single person has anxiety in the world. You experiencing anxiety in your body and in your thoughts is. is normal. It's typical. Everyone has that. And so once you realize, oh, nothing has gone wrong because I feel anxious or even panic, nothing has gone wrong. This is just my body experiencing something that takes some of that.
Drama and turmoil and fighting against a way because there's no reason to. It's completely, it's completely normal to have these sensations. It's completely normal to think these things. If normal helps you [00:09:00] say it or say typical. And also I want you to think about, this is another end. It's just part of this, of the normalized, but necessary that are, it's necessary for our bodies to feel nervous.
It's necessary for our bodies to feel anxiety at sometimes it's necessary for us to feel panic because there are life and death situations that we need to take care of and we don't want that those sensations to go away or the ability to have them to go away. And it's necessary for our body to react.
To our thoughts, because that's how our body works and so thinking about it and maybe as a necessary thing helps you to feel calmer about it. Oh, this is just the way my body works. This is just how it is. You know, just this weekend, my grandson is two. He he himself was crying about something at one point because if you are [00:10:00] around two year olds very often probably a two year old will cry about something every single day because they are just now starting to feel all of these sensations in their body and start thinking a little bit.
I don't know how much he's thinking it's not fair or this is terrible or whatever. I think he's thinking, I want to do that and you're telling me I can't do it. But there was a, there was an experience where he was crying about something and his parents and I just talked to him about, Oh, you're sad about that.
I know. Or you're, you're feeling angry about that or you're feeling really frustrated about that or you're nervous about that or whatever. And then we were in a gymnastics class and another two year old was crying. And he was really just watching that for the longest time. And he said to me, he's sad.
And I said, yeah, he is sad. He's, you know, everybody gets sad. Everyone grandma, grandma Cece gets sad. You know, you get sad, you know, all these things. And then later we were going to the park and I was pushing [00:11:00] him. In the stroller to walk to the park and he was saying, sometimes Oliver gets sad. And I said, yes, sometimes you get sad.
Sometimes grandma CC gets sad. Yep. Sometimes I get sad. Sometimes dad, I get sad. Yep. Sometimes mama gets sad. And we just we just went through every name he knows and sometimes they get sad. Yes. Sometimes they do, and this is the way that we need to be teaching from the very beginning, that this is all normal.
It's totally fine to be sad. And we don't tell him to not cry or don't be sad because we don't want him to feel like he's not supposed to be, or that this isn't the way of the world. And I think he'll be a lot healthier as he goes along. So that's the second N to make it normal or to make it necessary.
It is necessary to be sad sometimes. The third N is neutralize. So neutralize just means to make it less scary or to make it, make it harmless or [00:12:00] Less harmful, maybe, I don't know exactly how, but you know, cause sometimes things aren't completely harmless, but how to make it less that way. So a lot of times that just helps when you think about the facts, what are the exact facts of the situation and not the opinions of the situation.
So we might be saying, well, this isn't fair or, you know, this is terrible. Okay. It's not fair, but maybe this is necessary for it to be this way right now. Or I was thinking about sometimes if someone has to go to a new school or they are going to be in a new class or learn a new instrument or a new skill, then if their heart is beating fast, they, and their face is hot, they can just say, the fact is this is a human response.
This is what my body does. When I'm doing something new [00:13:00] and saying, you know, when my heart is beating fast because this is a new situation, or I feel uncomfortable in my chest because this is a new situation, or if they feel like if they're saying their thoughts are saying, I can't do this, then I'm just adding the word yet.
It changes how that feels. I can't do this. I can't do this yet. It's like, oh, okay, well, I am going to get it at some point. I can't do this. It's like, fine, I'll like, there's no way it's going to happen. So just adding a word sometimes helps to make it less scary or less overwhelming. Instead of saying, I will never figure this out.
You could say, I am working to figure this out, or I will figure this out soon. So just changing some of the wording makes things feel better. And [00:14:00] the fourth N is next best thought. or next best action. So what is one tiny step that you can take in a helpful direction? So I can go to the class and learn as much as I can.
So sometimes I have clients that, if they feel like I can't do this, If they don't go to the class, but if they were thinking, I, I am going to figure this out soon. That feels better. And the next best, best action is to go to class and just listen to and take in as much as you can. Do all the work that you can do.
Ask your teacher for help. Maybe ask a friend to look at, at, look at it, or help you. Help explain something to you, or if you're afraid about a new class or a, a new lunch period or a new situation that you're doing, you know, the next best step is to go and experience it. [00:15:00] And maybe you're going to talk to one person, or you're going to practice one new note or practice one new way of doing that math problem.
Maybe if you haven't been going to school, then You know, how will I get to school three days this week? You know, that's the next best action forward is to start doing the thing that you need to do and have grace and compassion for yourself as you learn new ways. Because I think a lot of times we're just in a.
Bad habit of negative thinking and negative negative acting. And then that negative thinking causes you to feel uncomfortable. And then you're like, well, I'm uncomfortable, so I can't do this thing. And I think, you know, when we have that habit of just doing that same, same way we have been doing it, that it, it creates kind of a rut or [00:16:00] a pathway.
In that direction, which is the direction we don't wanna go. Habits are always something that we just keep doing, and we have to do something different in order to make that habit go away. So then think about you're making a new pathway through your brain to do this new activity or this new learn, this new learning that you need to do.
And so you almost think about it like your brain is a forest and you've made this. Path over here, but you don't like it. So now you got to make a new path and you know, when you make a new path and I don't know, I've not actually made a new path in real life, like through the jungle or through a forest or whatever, but picture it like there's tall grass, there's bushes, there's trees, limbs down, there's whatever.
And you've got to create that path. And it's going to take you a little bit of time to create this path. So have grace and compassion for yourself as you're learning new things and don't. Beat up on yourself or treat yourself bad or say [00:17:00] bad things to yourself because you're learning something new. And as you make that path, the next time you do it, half the stuff's already, all the obstacles are pushed to the side or cut out or mode over or whatever.
So then you can go faster and faster and faster. And then that becomes a habit, which is a positive habit, a positive thing that you want to keep doing. So let's think about a few scenarios where you can use this and then I want you to contact me and tell me how you did use it. So if you have test anxiety or you get anxious before tests, which again, everyone really does, but some people get paralyzed by it.
Other people just move forward. So if it gets in your way, Notice the physical sensations of, you know, sweaty palms or racing hearts or whatever. And, and then normalize that by reminding yourself that of course, anytime someone takes a test, they feel these feelings inside and they worry that they might not do well.[00:18:00]
And then just focus on the things that you have done. I've studied for this. I know this information. I passed all of my assignments before I took this test. You know, all the things where you can neutralize that, you know, all that stuff that's saying you're not going to be able to do it. And then the next best action is just to, you know, take a few deep breaths, tell yourself you can do it and do it.
And that is Something you can do with test anxiety and if you have social anxiety where you don't like to go into social situations or conversations or speaking up in class, cause it all just feels really uncomfortable, which again, it always feels uncomfortable to every single person. Some people just.
push through it differently than others. So you know, feel those body sensations and of course I would feel nervous talking in front of the class. Of course I feel nervous asking to sit at this table. Of course I feel nervous [00:19:00] about talking to somebody new and then just focus on what is happening in this class right now.
What you know, what people look like they might be kind of friendly that I could sit by or talk to. Remind yourself that overthinking about all the bad stuff is not going to be helpful. And then your next best, your next, your next best action is to. Ask someone a question or start a conversation with someone or, you know, notice what someone is wearing and be like, Oh my gosh, I love that.
Where did you get it? Or I love that character or whatever it is that you can start the conversation with. If you have performance anxiety, which is like being anxious before a game or before a music recital or before you're going to be on stage in theater, and I am a theater singer person. So I totally.
Get it. I've been so nervous before, solos and theater productions many, many times. [00:20:00] But so again, saying to yourself, you know, this is what I'm feeling in my body. Of course I feel this way. This is what is supposed to be happening. Everyone feels like this before a sports performance or before I. Get in front of people to sing a song or be in theater.
And then just remind myself of all, or remind yourself of all the times you've practiced and studied and all the times you've done it well. And your next, your next, why is this hard for me? Your next best action is. To take a few deep breaths and go do it, or before visualization of doing something, especially like when I'm going to do a presentation in front of people, I visualize myself doing it very well, many times ahead of time.
And it's kind of comforting. It's like you've almost already done it before, even though you haven't done it for this group before. So [00:21:00] what of those actions can you take into your life and just think these four things, you know, what can you do to notice? And be aware of it in your body, the thoughts and feelings, then you're going to normalize it.
Of course you feel this way. You're going to neutralize it. You know, what are all the ways that you are prepared for this, that you do know what you're doing? How can you reframe some of those thoughts? And then what is your. Next best action or thought that you can have, and I want to hear from you. What, how are you going to use these four ends in your life or how did you after you do it?
I so want to find out about that. So let me know. And I can't wait to hear from you and I hope you have an amazing day. I'm going to talk to you next week.