E 168 Michael Laidler
Cynthia: [00:00:00] Hi, everyone. I am so glad that you are joining me again today for another person that I want to introduce you to. Because remember, This whole entire year, my goal has been to let you know what else is going on in the world with what people are doing with teens or fourteens and ideas that can be so helpful to you.
So today I have Michael Laidler with me and he has a book and he is a speaker that Travels around and he also has a podcast. So I'm going to let him talk to you about all the things, but what I love about this conversation, and we'll add these things in here in a minute. There's so much about YouMap that we can talk about with.
Again, really any guest, but especially I found these connections with Michael and we talked earlier. So I'm excited for you to see how you map can fit into your life no matter who you are, what you're doing. So Michael, tell us about yourself. [00:01:00]
Michael: Well, first and foremost, Cynthia, thank you for giving me the chance to speak to your audience.
Give me the opportunity to pour into you guys. Some of the things I've been through in my life for me. It's taken a long time for me to kind of realize some things that I thought I should have known about myself, but I didn't. And what I love about your podcast is the group that you target, that's where it starts.
It starts off at that time before you turn 18. I was wrong because I didn't realize that. When I started looking at my own self awareness journey, I start looking at things that happens to me as an adult, and I didn't really dial back in and kind of peel away that onion where I was like, you know what, what's been going on with Michael Laylor before?
And as I got older, and as I got more involved in different things, self awareness, you map programs of that nature. I started to realize that I've been shaped by the events that happened before I can even put on a uniform as a law enforcement officer or before I went to college before I even left the house.
And for [00:02:00] me, when I started to really pay attention to self awareness and I really got into it, I was like, you know what, this is who I am as a person. It's just not me waking up saying I'm going to dismiss everything. So for me, I was born and raised in Miami, Florida, single mother, handicapped grandmother, no father in my life.
We were not the richest family by no means. We moved practically every year and that was because we couldn't afford to stay. We went through eviction processes. We went through sleeping on couches. I mean, for the longest of my life growing up, I thought trash bags were dresser drawers. Like, I really thought that was normal because I didn't know any better.
Like, I know like, for example, my son, he has two different houses because me and his mother are divorced. So my son doesn't know that, hey, you got two separate beds in two different houses. For me, I grew up either staying in a room with my mother, my sister, my grandmother, cousin up until I went to college.
So, from early on, I faced things that I didn't always pay [00:03:00] attention to. And what I realized is that it put me in a survival mindset. It put me in a mindset that I was like, you know what? Whatever just comes to me, I'm just going to accept it. Because. Whatever I get now is better than what I had before.
And it took me so many years to realize that living in a survival mindset, it didn't really help me or the people around me out. And it really wasn't until I turned 35 when I was like, you know what? I need to kind of look back at why I'm just taking things for granted. Don't get me wrong. My years from 18 to 35 wasn't bad at all.
It wasn't like I was suffering. It wasn't like I was going through hard times as an adult, but I wasn't thriving. And I things I do now, as Cynthia mentioned earlier, a podcast, a book, professional speaking, speaking across seas, I would have never pushed myself that hard. Because I was like, you know what? I have a good government job.
I have exactly what I need. Every two weeks I get paid. I have health [00:04:00] insurance. I have dental insurance. I kept going back to, I don't feel fulfilled. Like, I feel like I'm not doing enough. And it really started off going back to my teenage years. Literally, realizing that those events, such as being homeless, and staying with family and friends, and even sometimes staying with them, them not having electricity.
I mean... It put me in a mindset that I definitely want your viewers to understand that you may think everything's normal right now, but you should take a self assessment and look at where you can be at not where everybody else wants you to be. But where you specifically need to be. So, for me, that's where I grew up.
And then I got to law enforcement at the age of 19. I was a police officer. Then I eventually became a border patrol agent. And then I got into federal corrections. I had leadership roles. I eventually opened up a business. I have a son. And all of that is just shaped by different events in my life. And I'm sure we'll get into a little bit today, but it has allowed me to [00:05:00] go out and explore the world.
Has that allowed me to now get better because going back to just self awareness and realize, realize where I came from is what's helped me out today. Hmm.
Cynthia: I love that. Well, as I've been doing this work, I found out that self awareness is the number one predictor of success in life and our teens don't know themselves very well.
And it's, it's normal or it's natural that they wouldn't know because there's. Still trying to figure it out, but I don't think they realize they even should be looking at who they are. So when you encounter teens, what can you, what do you say to them about the self awareness piece and how do they start figuring that out?
Michael: Well, you know, there's so many different assessments. I know one of the ones we've talked about in the past was like the CliftonStrengths that always gives you a pretty good starting point. To kind of start building yourself and kind of realizing, okay, this is my style and don't get me wrong. Styles [00:06:00] change, but everybody does have a style.
I mean, it's that's just the truth. And something like clips and strength will at least give you a general idea. of your top five strains. Now you can get up to 34 in that assessment, but usually the top five are going to be the ones that most relate to you right now. Like for me, for example, my number one strength is a learner.
I took the assessment five years ago. I took it again recently and it's past year and it was still a learner. So some of the other parts change, but not really drastically like what my number two went to number four. My number three went off and then my number six went down to number two. So overall getting self assessments is.
continuously really helps out. So for that teenager, that's like, well, I don't know where I want to go. Well, who are you right now? First, don't go too far ahead without understanding who you are and finding different things that you map CliftonStrengths, other self assessment tools really is where I would start.
And then once you get into that self [00:07:00] assessment cycle, go find yourself a mentor, go find somebody that. Is a step or two ahead of you, not 30 years away from you because they're not going to know, but someone that's maybe just one or two steps away from where you're trying to get to and start asking them for advice.
Say, hey, how did you get here? What obstacle did you face? What did you have to learn? What did you have to pay for? Who else did you have to meet? Who else should I meet? All those are questions that you can get with the mentor on and obviously that should be a person that you can relate to in one way or another, but you know that if you see a certain direction, you want to go find a person that area.
So, For self assessment, I would or self awareness. I would start with getting some kind of assessment right out the gate and kind of seeing and then kind of build it from there. But don't wait because you might say, well, I'm only 15. I'm only 16. I'm only 17. Oh, I'm 13. Yeah. But you have people building their career from that point forward.
You could fit in that same role. You don't have to look and wait for someone to come bring you [00:08:00] along. Because like, for me, that never really happened until I started to realize that I had to get better on my own. And then I started to find the mentors, the ones that I found out was for me versus people just randomly finding me.
So for me, it starts off with you as a person, but especially as a teenager, I could tell you, I wish. I wish I knew at 38 right now. I wish I knew this at 15 and 16 and I actually cared and listened because I would be so much further and so much different where I'm at today. I can tell you people that are older people that are within my age group.
They all say the same thing. They're like, man, I wish I knew more about myself. Back then, because as you know, time goes by fast before, you know, you'll be 38 before, you know, you'll be 75. And you're like, what? Why didn't I do this at 16? But it starts off just looking at that self awareness, self reflection tools to kind of get you going on the process.
Cynthia: I have said that so much because that's really why I started my podcast because I learned so much about myself, [00:09:00] not only in taking the U map, but just through life coaching. I got a life coach of my own and that's when I started thinking, Oh, I want to help other people know about this too, because if I would have known this when I was 15, I would have made different decisions.
Now, that doesn't mean that Some of the decisions wouldn't have been the same, or I'm glad that the decisions I made, even though I would make them differently, didn't bring me some amazing things that I'm glad that I have. But I think I could have been. Much more successful in the earlier part of my life, instead of kind of floundering around, trying to figure things out, if I would have known these things about myself.
And so one of the things, you know, you're talking about CliftonStrengths, which I, I think my listeners, if they listened to a lot of my episodes, know that the YouMAP uses CliftonStrengths. So it's so perfect that you're mentioning that and that you've actually been through that. But when you said learner and a learner is just somebody who.
You know, likes to know a lot of knowledge, whether it's Googling a [00:10:00] lot of things or actually taking classes or enjoying learning in school or learning in your career. Can you look back on your life, even back into in your single digit ages, like 7, 8, 9, can you see where learner was already there and you were using it, but you just didn't know it because you didn't know that was your strength.
You know, Cynthia,
Michael: going back that far, maybe
Cynthia: it went too far.
Michael: No, no, no, no. It's cool. No, no, it's fine. I, it's, I never really looked at it that way. Because in school, I used to be one of those kids that liked to get my work done so fast that I wouldn't have to do it at home. So I would do all my homework at school, but I don't remember many times when I was like, you know what?
I just wanted to learn. This activity it really came into my adult years when I started to actually pay attention to you know What I just want to learn something new I want to learn something different And for me it actually dates back only to about 15 years ago when I was in my mid 20s And that's where I went and got my master's [00:11:00] degree in business I didn't really need a master's degree in law enforcement, especially a one in business, but just through curiosity I was like, you know what?
I wonder what people in the business field do. I wonder how they think. I wonder how they formulate their ideas. So literally I just got a master's degree in business is because I wanted to learn about that. When I think about earlier times just off top of my head, I don't remember anything prior to 10 that really stood out to me or even as a teenager.
I mean, because I knew early on I was going to be in criminal justice and that was because I saw the OJ Simpson trial in the mid 90s and I saw that that chase the trial and I already knew that. Law enforcement was going to be in my future. Now, obviously, you can't guarantee you're going to get picked up as a police officer or an attorney or whatever that might be.
But, you can at least guide yourself. So, early on, I did take classes for criminal justice early on, like in high school and stuff like that. But, I don't think that was, to me, that [00:12:00] wasn't learning anything out of the ordinary. Because that was me kind of learning what I was already paving, like pacing myself to do.
Cynthia: That's true. I was learner is one of my top five too. That's why I was thinking about when I learned these things about myself, I started looking back as far as I could remember, you know, where did these strengths kind of play in when I didn't know about it. And I was, I think I was probably, I can remember back to six and seven where I was just.
Picking up materials of all kinds and just reading and like trying to figure out things. And I remember my parents had this, these medical encyclopedias and I just kept reading through them. You know, I didn't go into that, but I was just so curious, like, how does my body work and what does this mean?
And what if I take this medicine? What happens? And I really was doing that at a very young age. And part of us, cause I was bored cause I grew up on a farm and I didn't want to be there. But I, but I also, I mean, I see how that has played into my entire life [00:13:00] and just all the different things that I've tried to do in my life has been about learning.
So I just, I was just curious because we have that same one in common. I don't think when you told me earlier what yours are, I don't think we have any others that I also have in my top five, but that was one that I was like, Oh, I have to find out if you, you know, see that tendency with yourself even way before
Michael: you knew.
I see it a lot now. And it's crazy because. It's like, once you become aware of something, as we're going to continue to talk about, once you become aware of something that's part of you, you're like, you know what, that actually makes sense. Like, I can tell you when you talk about reading books, I read books that I was required to read.
I didn't read any kind of novels growing. I mean, I wrote whatever, whatever a book report needed and, and. Elementary school, middle school and high school. I read in college. I read textbooks, but I didn't really become a reader until my mid twenties. And I was like, man, I need to expand my vocabulary and my ability to tell stories and knowledge.
So I started reading fiction books. And then over time, [00:14:00] I started reading a lot of self help leadership books. And once again, That's what sparked everything I do now is when I started to realize that I was a learner by by nature, and I started to embrace that. So even going back to if you're like, well, should I do this CliftonStrengths?
Should I do this YouMAP? Well, yes, because you're going to realize things that you're good at that you're not embracing. So for me, I am a good learner. And I've taken the CliftonStrengths twice and my number one was learner on both of them. Like I said, a few other areas changed, but the learning side was something that's there.
So even now, like people like, why do you like to teach? Well, because I like to learn things like I do YouTube videos once a week and that's on different leadership, self awareness type topics. But when I speak about it, I have to study it first. So I have to learn the details of that empirical article, article, or that, that other audio book I list to whatever it might be.
But going back to your strengths and the [00:15:00] purpose of it and understanding all of us have a strength like that's that's just Where is that? So if you're looking at an early time in your life, you're like, well, Michael, I'm only 12. Do I really need to do this? Yes. Yes, you do. Because there's certain strengths you have right now that if I knew if I knew what I know now about learning, I would have started to do it before because I was like, you know what, let me embrace the strength because we always talk about strengths and weaknesses, but yeah.
It's always better to improve a strength versus try to build up a weakness because your weakness may never get all the way up to that satisfactory level, but your strength is what can take you to stages. Your strength is what can help you lead your family. Your strength is what can make you that valedictorian in your school.
So. You have to kind of know your strengths early on, at least have an idea because they do change, but embrace the ones that are right there,
Cynthia: right? Well, and I have talked to kids about using their strengths and talking to their teachers about their strengths so they can make school [00:16:00] work for them.
Because sometimes we are in a class that. You know, it's just not, it's our weakness and we're not sure like how to approach it. But if you look at your strengths and how can you use those strengths to do this thing that doesn't feel as comfortable or you're not as good at, it's going to, it's going to, you're just going to do better because you're going to feel so much better about what's going on.
And I have found with my clients being teenagers, they're like, Oh, I didn't know I could talk to my teacher about how. How I learn or what would work for me in the classroom. Of course you can. Now that doesn't mean all teachers listen, you know, we have, you know, people are people and we don't always, you know, get somebody that's super open to all of that stuff, but it never, we always have the right to ask for those things in our life or with our coworkers or with our boss, or, you know, we can say, these are the things that work best for me.
And I'd really like to approach it this way. And I feel like sometimes. Part of my job is just helping young people [00:17:00] see the power and control they do have in their lives when it feels like they don't, because it feels like all these adults are telling him what to do, or all these people that have all the rules and they have to follow them.
But we have a lot of control over that and agency with that. Even as minors, even as young people. And so I want, I want kids to, to see that. So in your talks, you talk to schools at all, or are you mostly doing professional speaking with adults or how does
Michael: that work? I typically find myself with adults. I just, because of such the law enforcement being my predominant industry.
That's about 85 to 90 percent of my business that I do with my speaking. It tends to be an adult. Now I've spoken to kids in the past and I'm never opposed to it, but everybody has to have a certain industry that they focus on and. I say that to say, you can't do everything. So, like, people might, people might be like, oh, I can talk to kids, I can talk to adults, I can talk to young adults, I [00:18:00] can talk to people late in their career, I can talk to senior citizens.
You can, but you need to at least focus on one at a time, and then if other groups come and say, you know what? We heard your message to these adults. Can you bring it to the kids? Then yes, I will do it. But typically I don't find myself speaking to too many groups of children.
Cynthia: Okay. Well, and that makes sense.
With being in law enforcement, I mean, Young people have to, if you're going to talk about that particular field, sometimes then kids need to have more experience or they need to be adults that are going into that career. I have a client who wants to go into law enforcement. She's just a freshman in high school, but she's done the U map.
And what we found out from her was that what her number. Well, I don't know if it's your number one, but in her top five, she has command as her strength and command is the rarest strength in all the 34. And what, how it usually comes across with her is bossy. And so she keeps getting in [00:19:00] trouble at school because she's trying to tell everyone what to do.
And when she found out it was a strength, they were like, how can you use this? That yes. And overuse it. If you're. You know, coming across as bossy, but we talk about how can you use that strength and You know, have it be a strength and I keep telling her I'm going into law enforcement command will be super important.
Like that'll be one of your things you're going to want to make sure in the job interview that you talk about is that command is a strength for you. And she said, I love chaos because I make sense of the chaos. Like if there's a lot of drama going on. In my class or my family's kind of falling off the rails.
She said, I just walk in, take control of the situation, talk about what needs to happen next. And I'm like, that's amazing. Like what 14 year old can do that.
Michael: And the fact that she's that you're helping to recognize that early is very helpful because that's 1 thing that helped me out in high school is that I forgot how [00:20:00] I got to.
Well, my sister went to the end. Well, she went to high school before I did. So I already knew I was going to go to that technical school, but I forgot if there was an assessment I had to take to pick that particular. Field, but the high school I went to had different what we called academies back then.
Some people were criminal justice, like myself. Some people were business administration. Some people are agricultural. So kind of what you were kind of thinking you want to do as adult. It started to prepare you early on, but for her, the fact that she has command, like you said. That helps out a lot of law enforcement, because a lot of times you have to go to different scenes and different calls and having that command presence.
It's what's going to help you lead and help people get over their, their chaotic situation, whatever that might be. So that's very good that she knows that early.
Cynthia: Yeah. I'm excited that she, she found this out by doing self awareness. So one of the things you said to me is you help people or talk about purpose and how purpose has something to do with our lives.
So tell me, tell us about that.
Michael: [00:21:00] You know, it's crazy because Depends on where you go to school depends on the jobs you take early on a lot of us associate ourselves with an organization like we associate our identity as a company and what you end up running into is fatigue, burnout, stress, because you think that company is going to fulfill you, which I have found out it's completely wrong.
And I love all the organizations I've worked with the ones I work for, but I found myself. identify myself as an agency. So for example, let's say in law enforcement, a lot of times you will hear people introduce themselves as officer Michael Laidler or sergeant Michael Laidler, chief Michael Laidler, whatever that might be for me, for a psychological standpoint, I'm like, well, no, you need to identify yourself first and then your title.
And a lot of people have a hard time doing that because for so long they identified themselves as that organization. So for me, when it comes down to [00:22:00] purpose, You have to identify who comes first when it comes to your learning needs. And for me, it starts off with me. I can't be that good father. I can't be a good spouse.
I can't be a good son. I can't be a good brother if I don't know who I am as a person. So for me, the purpose starts off with developing myself consistently, then looking out for my family. Then the organization. A lot of us have it flips wrong. A lot of us say, well, the organization is first and we may not even say it out loud, but we know action speak louder than words.
If you find yourself at work, 60 to 70, 60 to 80 hours a week, which is very common, especially as an educator, especially during the school year, you find yourself working from 6 a. m. to 8 p. m. Mostly every Monday through Friday. And then you, a summer, they call it a break, but it's just a recovery period.
But truly, and that's not, if you're not doing a summer school or tutoring, but for me, the purpose, [00:23:00] one of the things I tell people about is I want you to start looking at yourself as important. I want you to start valuing yourself because the purpose of a lot of things we should be doing should start with us.
And people always say, and look, well, are you, that's kind of selfish. Well, you have to be selfish about your growth. How do you be a good teacher? How do you be a good police officer? How do you be a good doctor? If you don't study what you need to, if you don't study about yourself, if you don't know your strengths, let's go back to that.
If you know you're a learner, but you're not building up that learning side by reading or developing yourself in that area. How do you get any better to now deliver it to that company? Because if you only know 80 percent of what you should, but you can know 100% What do you think the organization is going to benefit more?
80 percent of Michael Laidler or 100 percent of Cynthia? Like, which one is going to be better? So, when it comes down to the purpose side of what I say, one of the purposes is that you owe it to yourself. You owe it to grow each and every day, [00:24:00] every week, every month. Because if you want to fulfill anybody else, if you want to help anybody else out, you have to have that strength in yourself before you can pass it on to anybody else.
Cynthia: I love that so much because as you were talking about that, I was thinking about how many of my clients have lost themselves in a relationship to, you know, you're talking about losing yourself in a job where you're so identified in the job itself that you're not getting your own needs met. People do that in relationships too.
And I think that a lot of times and I've said this so often in different. Episodes of my podcast that we look out to the world to fulfill us in some way. I want a whole bunch of likes on Instagram, or I want, you know, you want these different accolades or things coming from the outside to shore us up inside, but we need to be shored up inside.
And then. Those other things will probably just be icing on the cake, but and [00:25:00] I tell that about when I talk about relationships, especially romantic relationships, but sometimes people get mixed up in their friendships too, but you, you need to know who you are and love who you are. And then that romantic partner or that friendship.
Is just icing on the cake. It's just part of it. They don't complete you because looking at things like looking at jobs to complete you or looking at relationships to complete you is never going to happen because that's a lot of pressure to put on that job, or that's a lot of pressure to put on a person to complete you when you're really the only person who can do that.
So that is just a whole nother important concept that I've learned In my adulthood and wished I would have known it before. And I love that you're talking about that with other people too with adults, but anytime we're educating adults on these things, it's trickling down to the young people because they have young people in their lives, whether their own children or their neighbors, or they work in a school system.
Cause I noticed that we [00:26:00] have a similar friend on, on LinkedIn. It's a school resource officer that I know you're also friends with them. And maybe he heard your talk. I didn't. I haven't asked him how he, how he knows you, but you're linked in LinkedIn. And so if, if you're talking to law enforcement officers, you're probably talking to school resource officers sometimes, or a lot of the times, and those, once they learn these concepts, they can use them.
With the, the young people that they have in their schools. So I think I think that is great. And I, I'm just glad that kids can see and their parents, because a lot of my listeners are parents that the concepts that I have been teaching in my podcast the whole time and what I do in my own coaching practice is exactly what you're talking about.
Michael: Yeah. And it's, and it takes time. I mean, I've been through a divorce. You learn a lot about yourself. You learn a lot about self awareness through that. And trust me, nobody wants to go, nobody wants to go through that necessarily, but you learn about life. You learn about hard days, learn about how to recover.
You learn how to kind of start over sometimes depends [00:27:00] on what, what, what phase of life you and look at relationships. Like you said, I mean, go back to being a teenager, you probably have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or you have someone that you're close to, even if it's just a good friend. I mean, The cultivate that relationship to make it the best.
You have to still know yourself. You have to know what's going to work. You have to know what you're willing to compromise, what you're not willing to compromise. And sometimes we're like, Oh, we're just going to bend over backwards for this person, but you're going to be unhappy. And then over time, that stress, that anticipation, that anxiety.
It's going to eventually come out because you've been holding so much back. So going back again to self awareness, it's the foundation for a lot of, if not everything you're going to do in your life, because to fully be involved with anything you do, it starts with you.
Cynthia: Oh, I love that so much. Well, I'm actually getting ready to rebrand well.
Probably when this comes out, I will have already rebranded it, but I'm rebranding my podcast into be more specific to anxiety because all of my [00:28:00] clients have come to me originally because of anxiety. We don't always stick with that because they work on that and we start working on some other things.
But, and all parents that I, wherever I'm talking live or any questions I get on social media is always about anxiety and working in the school system for 31 years. A lot of kids and a lot of adults had anxiety. So I wanted to ask if you have any kind of good tools or techniques or strategies you use because anxiety is natural and normal and everyone has it.
But what do you do so to help it not get out of, out of control or put barriers up in your life? Thank you.
Michael: Well, for me, sometime when it comes to anxiety, one of the things that I find it coming up most prevalent is public speaking and I have people always say, well, Michael, how do you speak in front of hundreds of people?
How do you speak in front of five people? And I say, well, I have anxiety just like you do. I just learned to manage it. I've learned to [00:29:00] recognize when I'm half sweaty palms or like, I start to have those. Like my thoughts, like jumbled up my head when I have the back sweat, whatever it might be the heart racing fast.
It's about learning to manage it ahead of time. So one of the things that I teach people is just breathe. Like, I do some breathing techniques. Like, one thing I call and I have it in my book called the 6 second method is you breathe in for 6 seconds. You breathe out for 6 seconds. You do that 10 times and you're going to find yourself getting it to a level of.
Stronger mindfulness because you've been able to focus everything on the moment. Now, it's not perfect in a sense of it's going to be your magic formula, but sometimes just slowing everything down and removing yourself from whatever situation is creating that anxiety helps out. Now, if you're speaking in front of a group of people, you can't just say, Hey, give me a minute.
I'll be back in five minutes. But if it's something that, you know, you're coming up to do the breathing exercises ahead of time, [00:30:00] take that five to 10 minutes before you start speaking to somebody, let's say you're just having that one on one conversation with. Your friend and you know that it's gonna, it's giving you anxiety.
It's building up in you. Well, take 5 to 10 minutes before that conversation and just breathe. Focus literally on breathing now. I'm not a meditation person myself, so I can't tell you to sit there and do it for 30 minutes because I can't sit for that long, but I can do something for 5 to 10 minutes consistently and there was a, there was some study or I had a speaker earlier this year and she's a, she's a psychologist and when she talked about like the practice of mindfulness and reducing things like anxiety, I want to say, she said to practice mindfulness, if you practice it for 63 days, In a row.
That's when it becomes impactful to like what you're actually doing. So if you're looking at managing your anxiety controlling it because you can't stop it, let's, let's not we, I don't want to say you're just going to be able to stop because I get [00:31:00] anxiety whenever I speak, but I've learned how to calm myself down ahead of time.
So what I do is that breathing technique. So you're going to do it over time to start getting your body used to it. So when you feel that anxiety building up, you can say, okay, okay. What can I go back to? If I can, let me go do that. That six second method Michael talked about, or maybe something Cynthia's talked about as well.
But anxiety is a real thing and it can really throw off everything you're doing. But knowing that it's coming. But knowing you have techniques in place, for me, has helped me, has helped me be more manageable. Now, don't get me wrong, there's higher level anxieties and things that require other techniques.
I don't have that, so I can not speak on that extensive of an area. But, if it's anxiety where you can manage it, just breathing really works out really well. Control breathing and understanding how to do
Cynthia: it. Exactly. Well, and I have talked about that too, and probably will continue to talk about that.
There is [00:32:00] some people who have chemical imbalances where it does go out of control and just like simple techniques might not work, but the simple techniques will all also help. Even if you have that kind where you have to take medication or you're getting therapy or you're doing some really intense things, you can still pair that kind of anxiety with Breathing techniques and different thought changes that you might have because those things are still going to help.
And that's what I love about these anxiety techniques that everyone can use because even if you have the next level, which I don't have either, so I also don't understand it in the same way, but my daughter has that more diagnosable taking medication kind of anxiety. Right. And so I've. been around it.
And I, I've talked to her a lot about how that works. And so these techniques still help her. She just needs that extra layer that comes [00:33:00] from a mental mental health or medical professional. So, but I, I'm glad that you said that you feel anxiety, even though you are A public speaker, because I understand that.
And I tell kids all the time, like, you know, they're like, well, I don't know how you can get in front of people. Cause I can't. And I'm like, well, everyone can, and I'm still scared. I just do it anyway. And that's part of that regulation of I regulated enough. So even though I'm, when I'm standing in front of people my leg might be shaking or my thoughts might be saying, you don't know what you're talking about.
You shouldn't be up here, whatever, those kinds of things. The people that are watching don't know that that's happening. They don't see that. That's what my brain is saying, or they don't see that my leg was shaking. And many times they'll say, Oh, you look so calm. And I think, well, good. I'm glad I looked that way because I certainly wasn't calm.
So I, it is just a way, you know, you can learn. How to go forward, even [00:34:00] if you're feeling uncomfortable.
Michael: Yeah. And on that, with the public speaking side, I always tell people anybody that I'm trained on presentation skills or coaching is think about it when you're standing up, they're speaking in front of others.
If when you're in that audience. Think about what you're telling yourself. You're saying, thank goodness it's not me to be up there. Thank goodness I'm not the one speaking. So, when you're standing up there, think about how many people are thinking the same exact thing that you're thinking. They're like, thank goodness I'm not up there.
So, for me, a lot of times, my anxiety comes from, not from being like fearful of standing in front of people anymore, it's if I don't deliver them quality information. Like, if I can't impact them because that's what I'm aiming for nowadays. I really want to see people grow. So for me, my anxiety comes from, did I give them enough?
Did I leave them enough? Did I give them enough information that can change their lives? So that's kind of where mine comes from, but it still impacts me because I'm still nervous because I don't want to mess up and practice helps out a lot too. If you're looking at public speaking of at any [00:35:00] level.
Practicing whatever you have to talk about goes a far away because you're working through those nerves because everybody's gonna feel a little anxious, but if you know what you're talking about, you're not going to be as anxious. I can promise you that.
Cynthia: Yeah, well, it takes away a tiny bit of the fear of the unknown.
I think a lot of my clients have that fear of the unknown. Like, I don't know what it's going to be like when I'm on that stage. So then I don't want to do it. But. Yeah, we can't totally know exactly what it's going to be like until the time. But if you've practiced it, you have a feel for what you're saying, and that will feel like, Oh, I already have done this.
I already know what this is going to be like. At least you'll already know what your talk is going to be like. Even if you don't know the whole. Other part of the experience. So what do you want to leave my audience with the parents and the kids? Like, what is it that you want them to know the most about you or your program or how they could contact you and those kinds of things?
Michael: Well, for anybody looking to contact me, you can find me on [00:36:00] LinkedIn, Instagram or YouTube at Michael Laidler. And the way my name is spelled, it's just literally the at sign Michael Laidler. There's no other letters in between, no dots, no nothing. I put a lot of content on LinkedIn, not as much so on, on IG.
I don't get as much on there, probably three or four times a week. And then usually YouTube, I have either my podcast posted on there or different leadership training. So for me, what I really want people to start doing consistently. It's working on themselves daily. I think that's been one of the biggest impacts on my life is working on myself and truly like, like not letting things distract me because there's so many different distractions in our lives.
Friends, family, social media, driving to work, trying to get a job, whatever it might be. You have to go back to where it all starts. It all starts with you. Are you going to fail at things? Absolutely. Are you going to strike out in life on some things? Of course, but knowing that that's coming [00:37:00] is going to help you overcome it.
Because if you're still breathing today, if you're watching this podcast, you're listening to the podcast. You still have a chance to make things better. You don't, when you run out of chances is when you're not alive anymore. That's when you're out of chances. Every day you have a different chance. So even if you feel like you're having your worst day right now, know that the days can, can get better.
And it may not get better right the next day, maybe not the next week, but it will over time. And you gotta keep pushing yourself. And I think that's where so many of us... Lose hope and lose sight is because we look at our current situation and we don't see a way out. Mm hmm. I can't tell you and I cannot promise you when that's gonna come, but when that situation comes, you have to be ready for it.
And how do you get ready? Learn about yourself, studying, staying in school, getting good grades, listening to adults, parents, listen to your kids. Because that day is gonna come where you're gonna get that [00:38:00] big opportunity of whatever size it might be. It might just be finding religion. And when you find religion, that that might be the change in your life.
Or you might say you might get, you might find your spouse. Whatever it is, you have to be ready, but you're not going to be ready if you're not focused on yourself and like building yourself up because preparation is going to be what's going to get you over a lot of different things because the law enforcement were hit with different obstacles each and every day.
A lot of them aren't our obstacles. But we have to overcome it. I mean, things I went through bad traffic crashes, baby's dying in my arms. I mean, I wasn't ready for that, but it was part of the job and I had to overcome it and continue on because more people needed me to be better. So, that now comes from continuously growing, continuously building myself up and being that leader to me so I could be a leader to others.
Cynthia: Mm hmm. I love that so much. Well, I am so glad you were joining us [00:39:00] today. I want everyone to, to know about there's like, think about how many humans in this world are just out there to help people. And I think sometimes we don't realize that there's so many people that we can turn to and get help from.
And so I want my audience to know that there's lots of people and who are they and how do I get in contact with them? So I'll put all of your links in my notes as well. And I'm just glad that you joined us today.
Michael: Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah. And I can tell you guys, Hey, if you ever want me to come to wherever you're at, Hey, I love traveling.
So I'm always down to come speak, whatever it's a 30 minute keynote or eight hour workday, whatever it might be. I'm always in.
Cynthia: Oh, that sounds wonderful. Well, I will definitely keep you in mind for that. Perfect. Thank you, Cynthia. Sure.