Hope you're doing awesome! 🎉 Just a quick heads-up about something exciting happening tonight that I don't want you to miss – my parent workshop on calming teen anxiety! 🌈
🕕 When: Tonight, Feb. 20 at 6:00 PM Central Time
🎁 Bonus: Exclusive perks for those who join live!
In the past couple of episodes, we've been delving into the fascinating world of my Triangle Formula for anxiety – Perception, Process, and today's star: Plan. 🚀 If you've missed any episodes, no worries! You can catch up on the show notes or in the video description on my website and social media.
Now, why should you be there tonight? Well, first off, the live attendees are in for a special bonus that others won't get! 🎊 And for those of you on the list but can't make it, don't fret – you'll receive a replay, and there might be an extra treat for early sign-ups.
Today's episode isn't just theory; I'm sharing a personal story about how I handled a situation using a five-step process. Trust me; it involves a choir audition, a bit of anxiety, and a whole lot of decision-making drama. 😅
I'll walk you through the steps – understanding the situation, brainstorming four possible actions, weighing the pros and cons, and finally, choosing the best course of action. Spoiler alert: it's a rollercoaster of emotions!
But here's the real gem – I want to share how understanding your values and strengths can make navigating these situations so much smoother. It's like having your superhero toolkit for managing anxiety! 💪
So, whether you're dealing with your own choir audition dilemmas or helping your teen navigate the tricky world of anxiety, this workshop is packed with insights that'll leave you feeling empowered and ready to face any situation.
Join me tonight at 6:00 PM Central Time for "How to Calm Your Teen's Anxiety Without Triggering Yours" – where we'll dive into perception, process, and plan.
Can't wait to see you there! 🌟
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Email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me: 785-380-2064
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[00:00:00] Hi. I want to tell you or remind you about my parent workshop tonight. At 6:00 PM central. I would love for you to be there. I want to teach you about my triangle formula for anxiety. And the last couple of episodes we've been talking about it, go to my show notes, go to the description of this video. Go to my website, social media everywhere are you're going to find links to sign up for this workshop.
If you come live, you're going to get a bonus. That the other people don't get. And if you're on the list, even if you can't attend and I totally get it, I have so many things going on all the time. Then you will get a replay and there may be a. I think there may be a different kind of a bonus for those that sign up ahead of time. And get to replace.
So. Definitely do that. So the last couple of weeks [00:01:00] we've been talking about the triangle formula and two weeks ago was perception. Last week was process. And this week is plan. So I'm actually going to be telling you. About how I plan. For anxiety. And it will give you a little example of how I teach my clients to plan. For their anxiety.
So we start out with a five step process, and I'm going to tell a little story that I've told before on the podcast.
So you can find it in other episodes. I didn't look up which ones it is, but. I my mother-in-law and I had decided to try out for choir. We both like to sing. And she really didn't want to do it on her own. And I decided, Hey, I'm going to help her with that. And.
And so we both went to, they had like a. [00:02:00] You know, meet the choir. Time and we went. And we both were like, oh my gosh, I love this. And we decided to try out for it. And we even had our auditions planned to do it. And then I went to a separate meeting that told more information about it. And I just, I had assumed the whole time it was going to be a no-brainer for both of us. And as they were telling about the fundraising that we needed to do, it was like, what, in my opinion, Ridiculous.
And I didn't want to do it. And I immediately started feeling trapped like, oh my gosh, I have to do this. And this all turned into anxiety because I was telling myself. That I was a bad person. If I didn't want to do it. And then I was somehow some kind of liar. If I had told them that I was auditioning for it.
And now I didn't want to do it. That that made me some kind of a bad [00:03:00] person. And then I was like, oh my gosh. You know, since I got this information, when my mother-in-law wasn't with me, I thought, oh no, what if she wants to do it? And I don't want to do it, then she's going to feel bad.
You know, Yeah, I'm sure you all can relate to how your brain just goes crazy about this kind of stuff. And so. That was my situation. I. Was going to sign up for this choir, joined this choir. And I had already said, yes. We're semi committed to it. And then realized I didn't want to do it.
So part of the five step process is first, you know, what's the situation. And then the next one is to come up with four possible actions. You can take. And so the, I thought about a whole bunch of different things. One of them was I thought, okay, I'm just going to join the choir anyway. I don't want to. But I don't really, you know, I didn't feel like there. In that [00:04:00] scenario or that action was like, At least, you know, I'll just go forward the way I've already planned it to be.
Then I don't have to have difficult conversations with anyone and I don't have to. Worry about it. I'll just go and whatever. I also thought. You know, well, I can tell him, I don't want to be in this choir and, you know, have a conversation about why or. I could have them, you know, give me the heart cell or whatever. I could ghost them and I haven't ghosted people for quite a long time, but that used to, oh my gosh.
When I was a teenager, for sure. And young adulthood, maybe even to mid adulthood. I would ghost people if I didn't like something or didn't want to be someone's friend anymore, or didn't want to go somewhere. I was too afraid to say that I didn't want to do it. I just. Didn't show up to it and I didn't tell anyone.
And then I had to avoid those people. Because then I'm like, well, I don't want to tell [00:05:00] them how I feel about it or whatever. So I'll just avoid them.
And then my fourth thing that I thought well is a possibility is I could talk to my mother-in-law. And she could maybe decide she was going to join the choir. And then I could say that I didn't want to join the choir, but I hated that idea too, because. The reason we decided to do it together is because she wanted to do it, but she didn't want to do it without me. And so. I knew that if I don't do it, she's not going to want to do it either.
And then that ruins what she wants to do. Because of my decision of not wanting to do this. So those were my four possible actions. And then after you've come up with four possible actions. You decide, you, you talk through with yourself, what are the pros and cons of that? And I kind of did that a little bit, but. The pros and cons of joining the choir.
Are you. You know, the pro is I don't have to have a difficult conversation with anyone. I just join it and I just go off my life and I do like singing and I do like choir. [00:06:00] So I wouldn't hate everything.
But I would hate a lot of the things and I would probably be secretly angry all the time that I was having to do all of that.
And I've been in that situation before where I don't tell people, no. And then I'm secretly angry that I have to do it. And I don't. Want to ever feel like that again, and people should not do that, but those were my pros and cons for the first one. And then I could tell them that I don't want to join.
So. Telling them that I don't want to join. Is good. And the fact that I tell the truth and I, you know, say I'm not doing it and I get out of it, which I want. But they may do a hard sell or make me feel bad, or I'm going to feel uncomfortable starting that conversation. And I don't want to do that.
Ghosting them feels good in, there is a pro in the sense that I don't have to do any of the difficult stuff.
I don't have to have. A difficult [00:07:00] conversation and I don't have to go to the choir. I don't want to go to. But when you ghost someone, you have to avoid them forever. Like it never really goes away because every time I saw somebody from the choir, I, and I didn't even know all of them. So I wouldn't even know who always avoiding half the time. And then if you were getting the emails, like where are you and what's happening and you had this thing planned and you didn't show up or whatever. Then you just have that sick feeling, at least when you see those emails, like you probably get over it.
But I mean, it seems like it really prolongs the problem. And then, you know, Talking to my mother-in-law and having her joined the choir. And I don't, which feels good for me that I'm not joining it, but feels bad for me because. She will be sad or she probably would say she wouldn't do it. If I wasn't doing it. So then you pick one after you've gone through the pros and cons of your four, you just pick one, whichever one is the one you [00:08:00] want to do the most. And I decided that I was going to. Well, I talk to my mother-in-law and she said she didn't want to either. So then I contacted them to say that neither of us were going to join the choir. And when you choose your action, sometimes you. Then even though you've chosen it, it's hard for you to go ahead and make yourself do it. But you've got to make yourself do it because after you choose what your action is, then you have to follow through. And even though it was uncomfortable starting that conversation.
And I didn't want to tell them that. We didn't want to join this choir. It actually went really well. And they were like, okay, so fine. Like they didn't even ask me why we didn't want to.
And I was so glad because I thought it sounded so petty and terrible to say, well, I don't want to do those fundraising activities, but I didn't. And, but I didn't have to say that. And they were like, Hey, we'd love to have you though. Any other time, just come back any [00:09:00] time. And. That was it. You know, how often do we really dread and waste so much time?
Like procrastinating something. Or going over 10,000 scenarios about what you could say, if they said this, what you see, if you say that. All these things and those things never even happen. It's a lot of wasted time. And a lot of like what F's and things. And so just pick your action, do it, and then evaluate it.
So I actually felt really good about the decision. It was the best decision that. I could make in that. For that. For joining the choir. Or not joining the choir. And the uncomfortable feelings were so brief when I first had to have the conversation, but then when it went well, I just felt totally relieved and calm and at peace and. I probably, I don't know. Danced a little [00:10:00] afterwards was like, oh my gosh, I feel so much better.
And I don't even have to worry about it. I never even have to think about it again. Who cares? So I'm glad about that. And.
Also. Part of when we're planning. You know this and like, Deciding what the action. We also look at our values and our strengths. And one of my values is connection. And one of my strengths is connectedness. And if I want to be connected to people and feel real connection with other humans. I can't go to them. And it can't lie to them. I need to be truthful about who I am and how I am. And it's going to be okay. And so in my program, I help. All my teens to find out what their strengths, their values, their preferred skills and their interests are. And so they can use their unique. Identity the things that they're good at to use, to [00:11:00] manage their anxiety. And the things that they really value in the world.
If they're using that to manage your anxiety, it makes it so much easier to do. And if it's just some sort of random thing. So. That's what I wanted you to know about planning is that there's a five-step process. And you use your unique strengths and values and ideas about your own life to manage that anxiety.
And I help you tease all that out and figure out exactly how to do that. So. I went to see you tonight. I want to have you in the room so I can give you all the information and you can ask all the questions, but even if you can't be in the room and it's tonight. at 6:00 PM central time. And this is for my parent workshop. How to calm your teen's anxiety without triggering yours. You're going to learn about all this stuff. And my triangle formula with the perception, [00:12:00] process and plan. And I will see you tonight.
And if you're there, you're going to get a special bonus. I'll talk to you tonight.